a lof of unfortunate events haf been happening to the family and ok to be fair partly its my fault too but its relli too much for me to handle i tried to be a gd brother but people think im not im jus tryin to protect her im tryin to be a filial n gd son but people think im not i tried to be the best that what EVERYONE wans me to be gd in my studies be a gd son more importantly to be der for everyone im not god im human i cant do all that i jus cant do all that anymore i wanna be perfect for everyone but im jus not im tryin to be perfect for them all i ever did in life so far is for them not for me i dun even noe what i wan for myself anymore i dun even noe who am i at all i have many probs that i haven solve yet more n more arises making me feel so pressurized on what to do i jus wanna giv up on life right now i feel so sad that my parents think that i dun care wen i do care about my family the reason y i spend so much time outside wif my frens bcoz i dun wan any of u to b worried about me to noe that im suffering inside would pains you would worry you but you dun get it you jus saw the outer me im tryin to be the best that you wan me to be but i cant do that anymore since you guys think that im not be the PERFECT SON for both of you do u noe its so hard to be PERFECT?? especially tryin hard to satisfy you both NO!! you guys never did know!! oh wells never mind all i know that I LOVE MY FAMILY SO MUCH!! im feeling so sad right now
i've been thinkin a lot dese few daes about letting go im afraid to let go relli but i haf to sooner or later coz im not happy dese way i haf to let go for my well-being but its hard its being etched in my mind its simply not ez to jus let it go it affected me wholly and made me what i am today i bcame worse bcame someone who doesnt blive in faith bcame someone who doesnt blive in himself anymore how sad isnt it SO i've decided to let go of it but i nid my best frens to be der for me coz i noe it aint gg b ez can we like mit up asap??
if i cant let go of the past how can i hold the future?? dis is so true so that's y i relli nid to let go of my past if not i cant handle NOW or the FUTURE HAMDAN u can let it go i noe u can u wanna be happy rite so u jus haf to let it go pls bring back the cheerful HAMDAN that everyone knew pls ='(
I STILL CRY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NITE FOR THE SAMN DAMN THING
things are jus never gonna b the same again wen ppl change dey relli change n dey dun change for the betta but for the worst i have seen people 's true colors which i was relli shock to see which i didnt expect it its relli true tt it takes a very long time to noe a person n wen u relli do noe d person it might change everything wd u tot was not true turns out to be true n u relli feel so used feel so lost feel so betrayed feel being backstabbed not sure who can i trust anymore it change my perception of ppl around me afraid to trust ppl coz i dun wanna get hurt anymore experienced to much hurt to trust ppl anymore i jus dun gt it y am i awaes d one getting hurt haix
I HATE IT SO MUCH!! Y MUS DIS HAPPEN TO ME AWAES??
nowadyas im so lazy to update my blog man been too bz to update anywae so here goes
21 June
my cuz gt married on this day at last dey gone married so happy for dem can!! she looks so pretty help out clear the dishes n all i ate like 3-4 times i think gosh im gona b fat in dis rate
werkin thru the weeks and weeks n cum to 29 June my manager gotten married too gosh ppl getting maried so quickly lar i wonda wht will i ever got married hahaha it was fun to c al d cc colleagues again =) miss dem so much a pity i officially quited Coffee Club aldy gg miss werkin der
2 June
today was the hardest for me i cleared my O lvl stuffs it was hard it reminded me every bit of my past gosh it was painful haix y cant i jus move on!!!??? pl ask me y cant i jus move on and jus forget it i dunno i jus so hate myself so much!!! ppl haf no idea hw hard izzt to move on n forget everything dis is jus not sumthin ez dis is sumthin that i've lost a few yrs back n it aint ez getting it back fuck!!! i hate it so much!!! oh wells
4 July
a crazy dae i mus sae wei liang accompanied me go amk to gt my sis camera whc she lost it in d cab den went to lavender to do my passport den met up wif derran to go bugis to gt his bermudas den head on to simei to mit up wif fizah i tell u i basically roam the whole singapore ok well not d whole of singapore but still cn b considered i was so tired d whole dae but at d end of d dae i njoyed every bit of it =) thnxs wei liang for ur company
5 July
im so xcited for dis dae to cum u noe y?? im gg to PULAU UBIN!!! yeah my first time gg der well im helping out boys scout frm stamford pri i tell u d kids are cute but naughty!! very naughty went hiking around pulau ubin and it was so much fun d kids gt stucked wif me everywhere i go dey will follow me i dunno y mayb im jus likeable hahahaha overall d dae was great wif d company of nazurah nazirah sobrie mayamin it was fun hanging out wif dem i haf d pics but haven upload it yet so next time ya =)
tmr my classmate turning 19 she's d 1st in the class to turn 19 da jie ah!! hen lao liao muahahahahaha tmr we having a class chalet i cnt wait for tt!! we gg haf so much fun!! i dun care we haf too tmr i haf to buy chickens fri prayers driving practice den go to the chalet gosh so much thing to do tmr!!! oh wells jus cnt wait to go chalet
HAPPY 19TH BDAE YI WAN!!! i jus cant take it anymore!! im jus scared tot everything was ok but i guess it was jus wishful thinking of me to think ppl will change =( I MISS MY BESTIES SO MUCH!! MIT UP SOON YA!!
