Tuesday, September 25, 2007
i've realised sumthin
i was nvr happy EVER
well ya at a point of time dere is happiness in my life
but it ws shortlived
noone can b happy EVERYTIME
nothing is EVER perfect
cum to think of it
i relli miss d old me
i ws so happy n yeah der's awaes a smile on my face
a smile tt is not forced
i dun haf to force myself put a smile infront of my frens jus for the sake of it
i dun haf to put up a brave front in order for my frens not to worry abt me
i miss all that
well things haf changed ever since problems start brewing
problems that affected myself wholly
changed me for wd i am now
im fragile dunno y
but it jus tt im getting more emotional
mayb bcoz i've gone thru a lot in my life
i bcame like tt well i dunno
I've lost tremedously amount of weight can
well i do eat a lot n now i dun exercise anymore
but still i kip losing more weight
mayb bcoz problems affectin causes me to lose weight
i nid to put on more weight!!!
i haf very low self-esteem now
i jus cant like believe in myself easily anymore
ever since having failed my O level early dis yr
i've been telling myself how a failure i've been
its not easy to believe in myself again
d fire in me jus cnt b lit up anymore
its not tt i dun wan it to relit
but its simply cant!!!
i'm relli deeply sorry my frens
u guys believed in me so much
i'm afraid to disappoint u guys more
especially having disappointed my parents aldy
i jus dun wan history to repeat itself
i still jus dun gt it y u guys believed in me so much??
wen i myself dun think i can do it =(
damn it lar!!
Friday, September 21, 2007
Ive been thinkin alot these few days
and i realised that i DEFINITELY WILL FAIL MY O AGAIN
I cant do my maths no matter hw hard i try i cant do it
science well im suppose to be not bad at it but i think ill nt b able to do well in it also
eng dun gt me started been few months i haven even done any compo at all
let alone writing a compo in 2 hrs in 1 of d most biggest exams of my life
im SCREWED
ILL FAIL AGAIN!!!
HaIx
PROUD
are my parents proud of me??
not even once they ever said it to me??
i noe that i've aldy failed dem as a son let alone doin well in my studies
they said its OK tt i didnt do well in my o
but i noe tt deep down inside dey felt disappointed in me i jus noe it
im SORRY u had to haf a son like me
a FAILURE IN EVRYTHING
MUS BE ASHAMED TO HAF A SON LIKE ME
I TRULY LUV U MY PARENTS N MY FAMILY!!
BESTIES
the problem btwn us back then happened to be solve well at least i think it did
wadeva we all been through 2gther i relli treasured evrythin so much
being the gd times n bad times it all happened for a reason
n yeah mayb that brought us more closer
well i think it brought u guys closer together nt me
i've awaes been d quiet one and low profile in d grp
I realised sumthin u guys dunno anything abt me at all
in a way i kinda glad but in a way i felt sad
d glad part is that u guys dunno wd's been bothering me n yeah lucky me
d sad part is that u guys didnt relli push to actualli ask me wd's wrong
im stubborn i wont tell my frens wds bothering me so push n ask until i sae it
but i haf to giv u guys credit u all cared abt me n i LUV u guys for that
mayb bcoz i LUV U GUYS SO BLOODY DAMN MUCH!!
i didnt wan u guys to worri abt me
i did wanted to tell u guys wds botherin me once
but d look on ur faces i jus didnt haf d heart to sae it
u guys were happy as it is i didnt want to spoil it =)
now all of us in different school leading separate lives wif new frens
we cant be 2gther as often like last time n i do MISS that a lot!!
i have FEAR but i shant say it hear
ill tell u guys soon
all i noe I LUV U GUYS SO MUCH let alone be separated by any of u EVER!!
so i relli hope our FRENSHIP will last FOREVA!!
LUV YA CAN!!
I RELLI NID U GUYS APPARENTLY NOW D MOST
SUMTHIN BAD'S GONNA HAPPEN
N IM NT SURE WHT I CAN HOLD OUT MUCH LONGER
PLS CUM TO MY RESCUE PLS
cant wait to mit u guys on d 27/9/07
take care u guys cya soon!!
ITE
its been a great 5 months in ITE
didnt ever REGRET going there
made AWESOME frens that i LUV
i think its relli a blessing in disguise
its worth it cumin to ITE =)
d frens i made jus makes it worthwhile to b in ITE
ITE aint bad people depends how u look at it
especially wen ur surrounded wif amazing frens nthy is ever BAD
now i oni hope that i can do well in my studies in ITE relli hope so
LUV YA CAN!!
im not relli in d mood to go out
apparently im goin out ltr
jus hope i wont kill d mood
ill try my best to put on a smile aite
cya ltr guys
miss u guys so much can!!
LUV ALL MY FRENS SO MUCH
CANT LIVE WITHOUT U GUYS
THANKS FOR EVERYTHIN
RELLI APPRECIATE IT ALOT!!
Saturday, September 15, 2007
i've been feelin rather useless
i jus cnt seem to do anything rite
dis 1 month of hols i jus cnt seem to force myself study
i noe im suppose to
but each time i tried to study i have d urge to giv up jus like that
i noe i shouldnt
i jus dun think i cld do well anymore
i've forgotten wd i have learn last time
its all a complete alien to me
everything tt suppose to be ez seems TOO difficult for me now
i dun undastand anything
I HAVE NO CONFIDENCE IN MYSELF ANYMORE!!!
Im so PATHETIC
MOVE ON that's wd ppl tell me to do
BELIEVE IN URSELF that's wd ppl tell me to do
YOU CAN DO IT that's wd ppl tell me to do
but dey jus dun gt it
i relli CANT DO IT!!!
IMAGINATIONS
it sumtimes cn relli run wild
i did thot of KILLING MYSELF back in d past
i did thot of try SMOKING back in d past
BUT I DID NOT
i dunno wd kept me gg
until now i still dunno
LIFE
well jus 1 word it SUX!!
its been hard on me
i noe i seem to jus smile
but behind dose smile a BOI is suffering
he cnt take it anymore
sumtimes he jus wan to let it all out
but cum to think of it doubt anyone wld undastand
n bsides he doesnt wan his frens to worry
so let it b
IM USELESS
IM A FAILURE
NO MATTER WD PPL SAE I STILL THINK I AM A FAILURE
HAIX
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
D GUYS ACTING CUTE!!!
MUAHAHAHAHA
THNXS SO MUCH GUYS!!
RELLI APPRECIATE IT LOTS!!!
LUV YA CAN!!!
U NOE WD??
i had to wear my skinny jeans to skool ah
was FORCED to wear sia
muahahahaha but well i look gd in it so yeah its cool
went to mit my frens at bedok n d most bad thing happen
my fren dropped by calculator n its spoilt cannot use at all lar!!!
hahahahaha dere goes my calculator =(
nw im nervous!!
had to cab to skool coz we're super late aldy lar
luckily siti's fren lend me d calculator if nt i gt a hard time doin my afd exam sia!!!
overall d pp ws ok ah
I BALANCED BY BANK RECONCILIATION!!!!
MUAHAHAHAHA WHEEEE!!! YIPEEE!!! SO HAPPY LAR!!!!
farhan gt d same answer as me!! so proud of him can!! who teach u pak an?? ME LAR!!
c luckily u listen to me wen i teach u =)
jus hope its d correct answer =)
aft d exam had to rush home coz my younger sis is like alone at home
but my frens ask me to eat dinner wif dem
i didnt noe wd izzt abt ah
suddenly ask me out to dinner
sumore i nvr bring money sia!!
in d end i found out tt dey celebrating my bdae =)
im so HAPPY!!
i didnt tot dey wld celebrate ah coz my bdae is like over aldy lar
but im relli glad they did!!
i njoyed evry min of it!!
d saboing d cam whoring
jus luv it so much!!!
THNXS FARHAN SITI YVONNE FELICIA JUNJIE AMIN HERMAN NAZIRAN
FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART CRIOUSLY THANKS SO MUCH!!
APPRECIATE IT ALOT!!
LUV U GUYS TO BITS!!! N I DO MEAN IT =)
exams are over hols hav arrive
gosh im gg miss my ite frens so much can!!!
no worries we gg mit up once in a while during dis 1 month hols!!!
i dun care hor we mus mit up!!
but hor i nid to study for my o lvl exams aldy
haix 1 exams down n now i nid to b tortured again!!!
studyin like mad jus to pass my o lvls!!
im nt sure wht i cn make it =(
i relli hope so
haix
I JUS DUN WAN TO FAIL AGAIN!!!
IM SCARED =(
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
2 daes ago on d 9TH SEPTEMBER 2007
I TURN 18!!
YeSsAr!!! at last im 18 babey!!!
1st wanna thank all those who wish me happy bdae namely:
my bro Nordin eddeham Pearl Siti Farhan Yvonne Merilyn Daniel Winner Sew Tin Derran Liyana Nazurah Fatin Hairul Afiq Amin Sheralyn Shiying My god sis Chinyi Fizah Fizah ITE Sharifah Aziza Zaid Nasri Andrew Sijie Shi Jun Ryan Lin En Jeslyn Qiuyue Sharifah Khalid Farid Zee My Sista Numerical Wei Rong Naziran Shan Piggies Wei Liang Ain Cassandra
Sumore i cnt rmb sori ah =)
THANKS SO MUCH RELLI
FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART
I APPRECIATE IT SO MUCH
LUV U GUYS!!!
On Mon had my BFD exam
gosh it ws ok ah
wd i learnt it came out!! but i couldnt possibly rmb evrythin rite
haix damn dunno cn gt A or not sia wadeva lar its over!!!!
went out to haf lunch wif MRC at MAC
pak an n ct gav me skinny jeans for my bdae!!! yipee
my 1st skinny jeans muahahahahaha
den we all dunno wd to do den all of us went home lo
Den i decided to go out again to study wif MRC
went all d wae whitesands
studied for 2 hrs den went to mit uo wif my besties der n fiz
tok wif dem gosh we awaes gt so many things to tok abt
a pity all of us had to leave early coz i nid to study for exams fiz gt werk
but oh well iim sure all of us njoyed each othas company a lot!!
LUV U GUYS!!
Dis yr my bdae celebration was unexpected relli
my besties celebrated my bdae in advanced due to unforseen circumstances
but i NJOYED IT nevertheless
THNXS U GUYS!!!
none of dem gav me pressie yet dey owe me hahahaha no worries!! =)
jus LUV U GUYS SO MUCH!!
I RELI HOPE ALL OF US WILL LAST TOGETHER FOREVA!!!
well i didnt had a celebration wif my ite frens
due to exams but oh well its ok
Still i LUV dem too!!
Gd luck u guys for exams!!
all of us will soar!!
QC RULEZ!!
Friday, September 07, 2007
yoz!!
im gg b officially 18 in 2 days time!!
yayness!!
dis sat well suposely celebratin my bdae wif my ite frens
but under unforseen circumstances its cancelled
coz dey're all bz
so its ok no worries
ltr mitin pak an ct herman to study 2gther at bugis
muahahahahahaha
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
last wk fri
it ws d celebration for tcher's day
so d whole of grp of besties went back to our sec skool
to visit our tchers and yeah go c d concert
suppose to mit up at 715am
as usual many were late (surely gt ppl late wan) hahahas
i wanted to take d pledge but we were late
so tt's cancelled muahahahahaa
still gt next time =)
its great to b in sec skool AGAIN!!
relli mish those sec skool days!!
haix
sec skool life are d best yrs ever can!!
relli luv it so much lar!!!
LUV MY FRENS A LOT!!
i mus tell u guys hor!!
the concert was BLOODY DAMN LIFELESS AND BORING LAR!!!!
my whole grp ciao very fast lar!!
cant take it aldy
relli canot make it lar!!
muahahahahaahahahha
met up wif tchers and all
wah!! relli miss dem so much lar
THANKS TO ALL TCHERS THAT HAVE TAUGHT ME DURING MY SECONDARY DAYS!!
RELLI APPRECIATE A LOT!! =)
aft all that excitement
all of us separated coz we duno whr to go le
in d end met up wif pak an n his fren n younger bro at tm
went to eat at mac
very fun can!! we tok n joke around n stuffs!! cool can!!
went to play pool at katong!! ct came to join us shortly
played for around 2 hrs + like tt ah
its relli fun to go out wif dem lar!!
went to parkway parade coz dini(pak an fren) want to eat
den dini n ainul went off
left me pak an n ct
we dunno go whr can!!
so ask dem along to mit up n eat wif my fren at simpang bedok lo
hahaha
fun can!!
its great to have dinner wif a grp of frens especially my besties n new ite frens!!
we tok n tok lo fun lar!!
soon all of us finish eating n pak an n ct had to go le
send dem to bustop den all of us went to my fren's werkplc to chill!!
all of us played board games n stuffs tok n tok
mish all that!!
my fren treated me drink
thnxs cher!!!
but d fun had to stop
coz i had to go le
haix so sad can!!!
d next day on sat
went to nadzirah bdae party at her hse
didnt wan to go coz my face looks horrible can!!!
in d end go lar
wait i nvr go ct nvr go n wen ct nvr go pak an kesian lak nanti
oh well go for deir sake lar n yeah its nadzirah bdae party!!!
we met up at bedok interchange
den i gt to noe that she lives near my hse lar
walao!!! waste my time go to bedok sia!!!
arggg hahahaha nvrmind
d party ws ok ah
wasnt relli in d party mood =(
too many things in my mind rite nw!!!
all of us went off b4 7 i guess
sum went home sum went outz
on sun
went to my kak sedara hse for kenduri arwah y datuk n nenek
had to wake up early in d morn to go sengkang!!
gosh im so damn sleep can!!!
ok lar quite nice to c evry1 again
but criously i ws bored to death lar aft all d prayers n evrything
coz basically dere's nthy to do
haix
mon was ok lar
mon blues as awaes
bt im looking forward to aft skool
coz miting my besties for my bdae celebration
actualli dey planned to make it on sat bt had to bring it forward coz 1 of dem had to go malaysia
i relli badly wanted to celebrate my bdae wif my besties n ite frens =(
but i did njoy it so much wif my besties
went to eat sakura at simei
dey treated me i think cost around $80+ bah
thnxs guys!!
bgt me a cake!! wah i jus luv bdaes so much!!
had to eat d cake using jus my mouth sia
ke lian wo leh
den tt derran saboed me lar
cake on my face now more pimples cum out sia!! saded
muahahahahahaha
aft tt sum of dem had to go off le saded!!
den sum of us went to chill at tamp
chilled at tm mac tok n tok n tok lar
hahaha mish all dose times =)
too bad d nite is not young for me coz 2moro gt skool
damn!!!
in d end i went off around 12+ hahaha
coz gt bus at 12+ de phew!!
den slacked at fitness corner
more toking n stuffs
actualli i wanted to tok to my besties abt my PROBS!!
but i jus dun haf d heart to tell dem coz dey look so HAPPY =)
haix oh well its ok
THNXS DANIEL DERRAN CHERLYN FIZAH MERILYN SEW TIN WINNER ANGELIN FOR CELEBRATING MY ADVANCED BDAE!!
RELLI APPRECIATE IT ALOTS!!!
I DIDNT WAN D NITE TO END THOUGH!!
BUT RELLI THNXS SO MUCH!!
LUV U GUYS SO MUCH!!!
I RELLI DO FEAR SUMTHIN!!
ILL TOK TO U GUYS ABT IT NEXT TIME I HOPE COZ I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!
HAIX =(
2dae in skool i ws super super quiet lar
hahahaha i didnt relli tok much
mayb coz i gt too many things in my mind
jus didnt haf d mood lar
haix cn sae so i emoing oso bah
muahahahahahahahahaha
i ws also fed up abt things oso lar mayb tts y i gt no mood oso bah
straight away go home =)
2moro gt OFA CA
haix im nt tt prepared lar
i scared sia scared i wont b able to do well de =(
relli hope evrything goes well for me
pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls
let me do well!!!
I look MATISH MEH???