since young i've awaes treasured frenship to the max frens were my life wen darkness fills my life dey were der to light up my life i could never ever lived without my frens true enuf i cldnt
i love my frens so much i wil awaes be there for dem if dey needed me anytime anywhere wadeva dey need ill awaes rush der to dem offering dem my help even if dey didnt ask for it but were dey awaes der for me wen i needed dem d most?? NEVER!! FUCK RITE to think dey actuali said that dey will awaes be dere for u irregardless of anything but all those was lies!! i mean i dun expect dem to b der for me everytime coz i noe dey have deir own lives so i jus dun gt it y cant dey jus b der for me wen i needed dem d most haix
i hate it wen my frens are attached coz i noe that im definitely gg be more apart from dem coz too dem their otha partners definitely cums first i was scared that im gona LOSE my frens coz we dun tok or mit up anymore ever since thinking that dey dun care abt me anymore while i MISS THEM SO MUCH hoping that dey wld giv me their 1 dae jus to spend time wif dem is that too much to ASK?? to dem it is if being attached its gonna be like this i wonda wd will happen wen dey gt married haix oh wellls as long as dey're happy im happy =)
apart frm all those stuffs sumthing tt relli impact me was myself people around me had awaes had high expectations of me especially in studies i dunno y but dey do so i in turn wld had high expectations myself i passed PSLE but didnt had enuf score to gt into d express stream which my parents wanted me to be in i've disappointed dem ok tts d 1st O levels i failed twice tryin so hard but still couldnt passed disappointed my parents again u noe its so hard to live up to ppl expectations n wen u cnt make it u disappointed alot of ppl around u especially ur parents people said i tried my best but i guess my best wasnt enuf its not oni disappointment i experienced bcoz of those failures especially failing my O lvl i've lost all d confidence in me until now i didnt had any confidence inside of me i've awaes pretended that i was able to cope wif everything but i CANT!!! u noe its so hard to do things without any confidence in you especially tryin to bounce back frm failing O lvl twice AINT EASY!! all my frens told me to move on jus forget abt my past failures but dey haf no idea how hard izzt to jus move on dey're not me how do dey noe hw it feels to be a complete failure try living my life n u noe hw sucky it is i fuckin hate myself tts abt it hate hw i turn out to be PRETENDING THAT EVERYTHING WAS OK BUT ITS NOT IM IN DENIAL FORCED TO FAKE A SMILE A LAUGH EVERYDAE OF MY LIFE i wan to be happy relli happy for once but its very difficult nowadays haix
i longed to hear frm my parents that dey are PROUD of me but until now dey haven sae it to me yet mayb bcoz i've disappointed dem many times der's nothing to b proud about even if i scored well in my studies dey didnt even sae anything dey expect me to do betta in it to dem no matter hw gd i did in my studies its never enuf i jus feel that dey are ashamed tt i gt into ITE but not POLY i still rmb tt wen a stranger ask my parents abt me whr i sch dey wld sae POLY not ITE do u noe how painful it is tt to hear frm ur own parents it seems that dey were ashamed tt i entered ITE i dunno but tts wd i feel
I've awaes wished that i wld b in a COMA may bcoz i jus wanna RUN AWAY frm dis awful world i currently live in now in the past i did tried to commit suicide but i stopped myself frm doin it coz its jus nt worth it its jus a cowardly act tryin to run awae frm reality bsides i wonda how my parents gg take it wen im gone i haf to think abt my family i dun tink dey will be able to take it tt im gone i thank god i didnt do it
i hate to CRY every now and then for the SAME DAMN THING but i can hardly take it anymore locking myself up in my room trying to cry myself to sleep but its awaes futile i couldnt let go dey sae sumthing mus be broken before dey can be fixed im broken but im still not fixed yet how to fix me?? haix i'd rather bottled up everything in me than telling my frens abt it coz i didnt wan dem to worry abt me i dun think dey cared enuf abt me to worry if dey did dey shld haf seen that this fren of deirs is suffering but dey didnt notice a thing dey never ask enuf dey didnt pester enuf to noe bsides dey haf deir own probs n lives to lead i dun wan dem to haf to worry abt me another thing they haf to worry i noe dey haf enuf probs to handle
now im scared that i wont be able to do well in my ITE studies its very difficult bcoz its my last yr of the course wif so many probs around me i can hardly concentrate im afraid to disappoint my parents again IM JUS SCARED TO FAIL AGAIN haix
aft sch went out wif ah roy elynn liwen to walk around at tm n eat dinner together i tot its jus gg b dinner for me but unexpectedly my bro nordin col me he ask me whr am i and he wanted to mit up gosh i haven seen that guy for a yr plus aldy u noe of course i dun mind mit him hehehe walked around tm wif him to find hp pouch n strap hahahaha den decided to play pool at katong i tell u i lost almost every game wif d black ball gg in damn suay can!!! argggg anywae we went off around 10+ i had sch d next dae n his contacts was dry so he was uncomfortable wearing it so off we go took pics wif him muhahahahaahaha
3 & 4 June
RA did sum tourism project i cant relli rmb ah but yeah we did but d one tt i remembered wd happen tt is vital is definitely on d 4 jun i was so STRESSED OUT!! coz i was unable to undastand anything abt d topic tt teacher teach i was so fucking pissed off at myself for not understanding it lar!!! haix the whole evening was ruined bcoz of tt oh wells
5 june
well aft sch played a few games of pool wif jun n i jus simply cant play it right i lost every game badly which i've never dunno lar my mind was in a whirl thinkin too many things i guess oh wells wanted to play more but i had to leave for werk damn coz my manager ask me wht i cn werk for him tt dae coz he was sick i gt nthy on so i said ok lo i was bored anywae so wd d heck werk lo i did shades gosh i tell u i was bored to death but very slack ah luckily ah roy was on d fone wif me to kip me company for an hr or so phew learnt new things n poof went home tiring dae!!
6 jun
werk at my coffee club i cnt relli rmb wd happen but its been a long time since i werk der so i gt a lil bit blur hahahaha oh wells im gg quit soon so dun care lar
7 jun
werk hotel did minibar again boring lo d same thing bah its fun coz i gt to mit different kind of ppl around the world but its oso boring lar so hahaha der's nothing to tok abt on this dae
9 june
went to nazurah hse to discuss tourism project coz she was sick so went to her hse im so proud tt everyone did deir research u noe =) discuss n discuss until everyone was tired including me so aft tt everone went home to haf dinner we gg mit up d next dae to go to d museum for our project decided not to go for sch tmr so col up our tcher to inform her lo she said ok so its fine =)
10 june
RA went to ACM i tell u its so fun!! i love d place so much we tot we had to pay but in d end no nid coz it was free admission for students yeah!! so we went for d tour i tell u i was very fascinated by ervything inside d museum aft d tour all of us took pics of it i dun haf d pics yet uh wait ill post it up next time once i gt it aft tt went to malay heritage center haf to pay dis time 4 bucks!! i tell u its such a boring place to go der's absolutely nothing to c ah waste ur time n $$$ its such a disappointment relli!!! oh wells dis museum is so off the itinerary!!! period!!! so aft tt we had no whr to go aldy me ah roy n jon went to play pool at bugis i played relatively well i mus sae whee so proud of myself can!! den we went to eat lo aft tt go home im kinda lazy to type aldy hahahaha
i cant believe it that i haven update dis blog for 1 month muahahahaha been bz peeps and im jus not in da right mood yet to blog oh wells now i gt tons of things to blog abt but ill try n cut it short coz im lazy to blog abt so many things hahahahahas
7 May
what did i do on tt dae oh ya me yiwan jon jj all slack at ehub coz we basically gt nthy to do aft school ate at dippin donuts yumy donuts but still cant beat donut factory sorry slacked until 8+ tok alot of stuffs and dey asked me to confess abt A CERTAIN THING n which i did hahahaha okok i noe i noe!!! i confessed its true!! i stil like her i still do =) bleahx
8 May
i was sick so i didnt attend sch but i was ok to mit up wif my peeps at ehub hahahas i noe i noe im sick not to go sch but im not too sick to go out went to mit everyone at coffee bean slacked for awhile and decide wd to do next d rest of d grp whom i mean jes n co went home coz it was pretty late aldy so me jon yiwan jj jh chris zhiwei n fren decided to go play pool we played for i think 1 hr + n decided to go watch a movie oni me yiwan jj jh chris watched d movie what happens in vegas the show is simply hilarious not bad ah den aft d show went to slack at d twins hse bt yiwan cldnt make it so oni 4 of us tok abt ghosts n stuffs hahahaa it jus freaks everyone up!! including chris muahahaha yes chris!! i noe!! it kinda freaks me out too but i think d worst was jh hahahaha he freaked out!! went home in d morn to catch d 1st bus home wif chris be careful u guys CHRIS GT 3RD EYE!!! hahahahahas i love d dae wif d grp!! =)
9 May
met up wif jj jh yiwan at ehub again to play board games at nebo hahahahaha it was so much fun!! the games are all stupid but fun!! its d company tt counts so yeah!! we all gt play dis balancing game i teamed up wif jh n jj yiwan n fren in d otha grp as u all noe me jh simply great at balancing so we won d losing grp kanna forfeit muahahhaa dey had to drink 7up wif chili its so bloody damn disgusting u shld haf seen deir faces yiwan had to go off 1st coz she miting her frens so me n d twins went to deir hse to gt smart shoes for me yeapz im starting my new job d next dae!! yay for me!! had fun wif dem so much on tt dae!!! we mus haf dis thing again!!
10 & 11 May
my 1st dae in the hotel job it was scary ah coz i dunno any1 der yet it was fun yet tiring ah basically had to carry chairs n stack up in rooms for d church ppl to discuss abt wd oso i dunno sheesh!!every sat leh wth!!! tiring u noe hahaha but oh wells at least gt ppl help me can liao!!! i end the werk at 9 so went home for me!! tired d next dae i werk oso i tell u gt sprained my muscles sia!! carried a lot of heavy chairs n all 80 chairs leh a lot wor for a small size cute person like me hahahaa jus haf to get used to it lo but it was fun ah sumthing ive never done b4 its nice to try sumthing new den f&b line i nid broaden my line of xperiences sia!! muahahaha i cnt wait to werk more n gt to noe more frens!! =) loving the hotel job!! thnxs pearl for intro-ing me d job!!
13 May
meet up wif the grp to do the tourism project well in a way we did d project ah we did do sum research but in d end we were jus too tired n plain lazy to do it!! muahahaha we all ended up takin pics n 1 of us SLPING!! d one slping shld noe who is he hor!! hahahahahahas dun make me put d pic inside d blog bleahx!! we all had to go off early coz nazurah gt prac lessons on tt dae so basically aftwards me ah roy jon went to eat at kfc!! tok n slack for awhile b4 gg hm it was fun wif dem!! i love dem so much can!! but still we nid to do our projects seriously hor!! of course der'll b fun and games but still nid to finish up d project n gt A!!! prove to the teacher tt we ARE THE RA!!! oni d grp members noe wds tt!!! =)
15 May
i had my costing CA today i was FUCKING PISSED OFF!!! i couldnt enter d exam hall bcoz of my shoe i dun gt it its jus 3 stripes of white color on both sides n im not alowed in!! fucking ridiculous!! i was so pissed off dey expect me to buy a new shoe it freaking cost me 11 bucks!!! waste my $$$ i fuckin hate the teacher!!! stupid!! i was so fuckin pissed i tell u i forgotten all d things i studied thanxs a lot!!! stupid sch n d rules!!!! thanxs to you my results was like shit!! i couldnt gt an A for it!!! whc i noe im capable of achieving it!!! bloody hell!!!! i went home straight coz i wasnt in da mood n i was fucking angry n pissed!!! i wldnt wan to scold ppl!!! i apologise to everyone who tried to tok to me but i didnt respond
16 May
went out wif ite peeps to celebrate zhiwei bdae in advance we kbox d whole dae frm 3-9pm it was so much fun singing a pity i didnt noe hw to sing mandarin songs!! if not i wld haf joined them singing mandarin songs!! nevertheless i had fun!! i hope zhiwei had fun too wif our company basically took a lot of pics played dice games n stuffs it was loves!! aft tt we went to eat at kfc coz basically all d places are full n we jus haf no idea whr to eat aft our late dinner all of us parted ways!! coz im werkin d next dae liwen cant ton yet jj was not flg well so we went home jes zhiwei chris mingjie ton outside sori couldnt njoy more wif d rest but it was fun wif deir company !!!loves it!!
20 May
i had d most fun today!! i went to mit up wif my sis fizah at east point to have lunch wif her jj yiwan join in too went to eat at 18's chef i mus sae its not bad ah so tok n tok den decided to mit up at jon hse to play MAHJONG!! dey were me ah roy fizah jj jh yiwan i nvr played b4 n bsides i cnt play coz its gambling but i played of course we didnt play wif $$$ if not i die sia a lot of sins worx!! i tell u lar i so suay can so unlucky my hand ah so suay!! i gt all d tiles tt i dun wan sia!! i cant win sia like tt!! fizah won like 4 times consecutively can!!! HW D HELL DID SHE WIN SIA!! oh wells she noes how to play sia i still quite blur blur de muahahaha but nonetheless i njoyed playing wif everyone!! of course de day wont be complete if we all nvr take pic rite!! hahahaha took a lot of pics!! i jus love takin pics nowadays dunno y!! hahahaha
21 May
i was so happy wen my bro ANDREW col me sia we tok on the fone for 1 hrs+++ until he batt low!! fuck!! its been like almost 1 yr not miting him sia n wen he col me i was like so happy sia!!! crious!! i miss him so much can!!! i dun care we betta mit up like real soon!!!!
26 May
happy bdae Zhiwei!! at last he turn 19 liao!! so old liao muahahahahaa!! anywae on dis dae itself i gt my AA CA sia!! walao d part B hard sia i've never done it b4 in any assignments sia!!! die liao!! think think so hard still dunno how to do!! but i was able to do in d end!! i gt an A for it!! yipee taught ah roy n jun thru d weekends n evrything paid off!! all of dem gt A so proud of dem can!! d feeling is so great!! yeah!! we'll gg study together again in future =)
27 May
aft school went to MOE to take o lvl results didnt wan to go actualli coz my results suck to d core sia!! c oso i wan burn!! but yiwan die die wan to take coz she improve alot!! gd for her so accompanied her lo!! i tell u we reach der den sudenly rain so heavy sia!!! dammit sia!! den we so stupid lar didnt noe gt bridge to go d otha side waited like an idiot for d rain to stop hahaha tot d bridge was unda construction coz it seems like it so went to d otha side and at last reached MOE n gt d cert!!! den waited for yiwan fren to cum n take cert oso den off all of us to woodlands to mit sihui she gt car mah n bsides yiwan suppose to mit her so she drove us all d wae to tamp n let me off to take 15 n go home lo!! thnxs sihui!! IT CAME BACK!!! FUCK!!
28 May
PAST HAUNTS ME!!
i tell u i was so emo on tt dae wasnt in da mood to tok to anyone so during break aft eating went out to find a quiet plc jus listenin to my music n emo 1 corner dam it!! d sch very hard to find quiet places sia!! i was so sad!! my past was jolted back d moment i go take my o lvl cert!! it brings back painful memories which i long gone so called forgotten abt it!! its fucking irritating sia!! stupid!! reminded me how a failure i was last time!!! fuck!!! i jus like wan burn d stupid cert sia!!!! fuck fuck fuck!!!! hate myself so much!! omg im gg sae it again n again on how i hate myself!! wadeva!!
so dis wad happened to me in d 1month i MIA frm my blog!!! ups n dwns in life typical life!! fucking hate my life again!!! i hate to go thru it all over again!! now i relli nid sumone to tok to bare everything out so ill feel betta n of course a shoulder to cry on anybody care to lend me theirs?? if u do pls tag me or msg me pls thnxs a lot!!
