2007 was a sucky year for me ok well it was a fucked up year!! because i was unhappy most of the time bad events happened to me and i was SAD
in d begining of the year of 2007 i failed one of the most important exams in the world i failed my o level up till now i still couldnt forgave myself i disappointed my parents/frens n more importantly i disappointed myself im a failure wd cn i sae i still couldnt forget the dae i gt my results it kips flashing back in my mind i brokedown i brokedown into million pieces that cannot be mended no matter hw hard i tried too i wan to mend i relli wan too but u guys wont undastand ever y i cant its nt i dun wan but its jus not possible rite now im sorry but its true ever since that day on i knew that i could NEVER ever held myself high i could NEVER ever believe in myself anymore its sad that i became sumone without belief in himself sumone that utterly disappoints everyone disappoints himself even more he wasnt a person without belief he was a person with the most belief in himself he could achieve anything he put all his souls n confidence together i miss that person n im sure everyone does all i can hope now is the real HAMDAN returns soon
next thing happens would be that i wasnt able to enter any polytechnic at all coz sumone who failed maths n science d 2 major subjs i jus cant go anywhere at all!! i applied to all most every poly but still i couldnt enter any of it i was hoping wif all my heart at least let me enter any poly but to my despair i didnt that made my self esteem even lower telling me that wow im such a failure not even a single polytechnic wans me sad relli i had to do wd i had to do enter ITE that was my backup plan if i nvr ever be able to enter poly i entered ITE simei majoring in accounting a course that i hate but im good at it wd more cn i ask rite i had to enter it at least betta den going to the army 1st rite my last resort i didnt noe wd to expect from it relli i was scared cumin to a new school a new environment new people i was afraid afraid that i wouldnt like it there i wouldnt make any frens dere BUT it all proved wrong it did it did ITE was not bad at all i mus sae fuck all the people who sae ITE no good it is great okay!! i met awesome frens awesome tchers/lecturers that made me inseparable from them i jus luv cumin to school n u noe y bcoz of my frens bcoz of my classmates dey make me feel like home we awaes spent time together most of the time awaes dere for me wen i needed them d most wen my besties are bz whenever im with dem i feel safe i njoy deir company in fact i dun mind being wif them everyday I RELLI LUV THEM!! i relli do we are like family =) entering ITE was i mus sae one of the best thing i ever did in my life i didnt regret it all NEVER ever did i regret it maybe failing my o level was a blessing?? i dunno maybe who noes
but of course in ITE i still do haf my downs especially in my results recently my 1st semester results wasnt that satisfying to me n u noe y i oni gt a pathetic 3.3 GPA to ppl its considered great aldy but i noe that i took the whole exams without any belief in myself no confidence at all den i was thinking if i were to haf my confidence back while takin the exams will i do betta?? i noe i can but sadly i dun i was fucking fed up wif myself i badly wan to do well in my studies in ITE but its jus not happening what's wrong wif me man?? haix
2007 i told my besties abt my problems AT LAST!! been keeping it from them for years n i finally burst it out but its not EVERYTHING been wanting too but i jus didnt haf the heart to say it its not ez ok its hurtful it relli is i cried infront of them which i so hate myself for that i didnt wan them to see my worst state but it happened im sorry guys im relli sorry u guys had to c me in that state but it was relli my most important nite ever u guys were dere for me telling me its gonna b okay its gonna be okay i was very touched wen u guys said that giving me assurance that it relli is gonna b okay wen i cant giv myself assurance ever those words were important to me n i thank u guys for that!! I LUV U GUYS TO BITS!! I RELLI DO i was so scared that we wont be able to be like together like last time but i no longer haf to be afraid coz we still be able to be together even though we're all in different school leading separate lives having new frens i noe that we will awaes be together as one whole foreva =) but still deep down inside im still afraid that im gonna lose u guys one day i jus hope it wont happen ever!! i relli hope so
2007 i retook my o lvl the 2nd time i was apparently dissatisfied wif my performance the 1st time n i retook it to prove that im not a failure but i noe that deep down inside i was afraid to retake it coz i dun wan to fail again if that were to happen not oni will i fall flat to the ground i will blame myself ever i will never ever haf the heart to forgive myself i will never ever be able to stand up straight again i was afraid of that sumore i had no confidence in me to do it again the second time but i had to try i had to prove myself wrong it was extremely difficult for me to do it again i forgotten most of wd i had learnt last time but i had my frens to help me along the way thanks to those who helped me =) i jus hope it was enough o lvl was over n i jus haf to wait for the results to noe wht am i failure or not?? the results is cumin soon real soon im scared i relli am scared haix oh wells
Zaid my best fren since pri school he was dere for me wen i needed him lending me his ears gosh i miss him so much can!! shooting him wif negativity he wasnt fed up at all all he did was to shoot me back wif positivity all he had was positive n more positive it does make sense thanks for everything Zaid i relli appreciate it LUV u bro!! ill do my best to be the HAMDAN that u knew a person wif grace n reigning in confidence =) ill read the books i will
i guess 2007 was a rollercoaster ride for me huh ups n downs gosh exciting isnt it??haha lol im tryin my best to forget the past i relli am its not ez especially it change my perception of life n it made me wd i am today i hate to cry every nite for the SAME DAMN THING over n over again!! but i had too im nt sure wht after crying my heart out will i feel betta mayb it does a lil im nt sure im not ashamed of it however crying my heart out may jus work i dunno we'll c it sure make my eyes swollen hahahaha
and now came 2008 a year i hope i wld be able to b a more happy person than i was back in 2007 a person that all my frens c me as last time or even betta i hope its gonna b a betta year for me i hope its gonna b a betta year for everyone too =) many loves ppl HAMDAN loves u guys so much!! PS:IF U GUYS NID ANYTHING DUN HESITATE TO CUM TO ME ILL AWAES BE DERE FOR U GUYS NO MATTER WD I HOPE U GUYS NO THAT!! TAKE CARE EVERYONE =)
BECAUSE OF YOU I AM AFRAID I AM AFRAID BECAUSE OF YOU I CRY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NITE FOR THE SAME DAMN THING!! BECAUSE OF YOU IM AFRAID =(
