HaiX...2dae is terrible lor...had my prelims sci practical exams...i flunk it...!!! its jus so hard to do....so troublesome sumore...especially physics...haf to balance tt dis n tt...omg...cn die sia..ArGgG!!! im so stupid!! cnt do such a simple thing...oh well...wd's done cannot b undone...ill jus haf to strive 4ward 4 my actual o lvl dis nov....hopefully im ready by then..realli hope so.... im trying hard to gt back my confidence...i wonda whr izzt...??..hahaha..lollol..... ZhAnEy peace outz..
HaiX...im getting weak n weaker by the day...im jus tired....mayb...or am i jus dying..??... coz im fed up wif my life....haix...trying to put a happy front to my frens....as usual...trying hard....But i guess sooner or later dey'll noe...but i guess i dun think so bah....coz no 1 cares mah....cnt blame den bah...coz im nthy mah...dirt nonsense stupid person.....haix...tts wd i am.....its true...haix...hope tt wasnt....im dying...no confidence...i jus dun blieve in myself as much as i do last time....mayb tts y i cn achieve so muc last time..but nw im scared...im realli scared.....wadeva lar... I hope i wont do anything stupid....coz im jus too stressed...dis is d 1st time im so stressed........arggggggggggg!!!!!!!!
HaMdAn Is GoNe FoR GoOd...On HiS BeHaLf .....I ThAnK AlL HiS FrEnS FoR BeiNg ThErE 4 HiM EvEn ThoUgH Ur NoT ClOsE To HiM Or AnYtHiN Or DuN CArE...CoZ He ReAlLi DoEsNt MiNd....HaIx...So HaMdAn SaY GoOdByE 4EvA!!
Haix...2dae nt tt bad ar...had my s.s test n mly...s.s nt tt bad ar...hopefully i cn pass ar...i aim to gt 30+ sia...i wanna top d class n do myself proud...haix...but duno wht still cn nt ar...haix...low in confidence is so hard to do anything sia....wd to do...den mly test ok lar....i write quite long but dunno cn do gd nt...haix..i sux man!!
den 2dae we celebrate derran's bdae unda his blk...evrything ws gg smoothly...den suddenly an argument broke up..haix...hate it wen frens quarrel...jus hate it....haix.d oni thing i cn do is to hope tt dey will reconcile...wd to do dis is life....life's jus nt perfect....nthy will ever b perfect.....haix.... wadeva lar...haix...sci practical is on mon...scared sia...i nt gd in prac...sux at it....haix...
Hehehe....2dae 2 of my frens cumin over my hse 4 a slpover...gg b fun...at least im nt alone at hm...scary sia alone...my parents n younger sis went to melaka....4 a family reunion thingy....n my elder sis went out...so ill b home alone...betta set traps...hahaha...lol
haix...2dae ws so disappointing dae i've ever had in my life..had my eng prelims in d morn...n omg!! it's d most hardest pp i've ever done in life...cn die sia...tt ms jumiah set d summary so hard..i think im gg fail my eng aldy...haix..sobx sobx...i nvr failed eng b4...n i dun wan it to happen nw.....haix.....ArGgGg...stupid me!! mayb i shld start reading more bks...mayb it will help me....hope so...ill try my best...jia you hamdan!! u cn do anything...as long u blive in urself...but i dun...i realli dun...no confidence at all...haix...reali no confidence at all....haix...sobx sobx...
2moro s.s test...n im nt ready...too many thngs to remember..so little time...haix...i wan to do well...coz tts 1 of my strongest subj..so i nid to score well...nid to show tt i cn do it!! i realli must do well hamdan...but...i dun think i cn make it....criously i jus think little of myself rite nw...haix.. n sumore gt mly pp 1 ...if oni i gt b4 for my mly..so i dun haf to retake it again..but i noe i cn do betta den tt...but i haf to suffer den....haf to do betta! mayb i expect too much frm myself...or jus stupid..!! haix..wadeva..
haix...2dae ws so disappointed...i didnt do well for my o lvl eng oral...hate myself...arrg....i ws too nervous...hate those examiners...1 of dem dun look interested...n wan to act fierce like tt..oh pls....but argg.....too nervous...hate tt..!! STUPID ME!!! but hopefully i cn score well on d oral...coz i did nt tt bad i guess....oh well evrything is passed... Haix....prelims is jus 2 daes awae...1st pp eng...so scary...nt ready yet sia....especially 4 social studies...haven even completed revising all d chapters...a lot sia...cn die u noe...i wan to top d class....so i nid to study xtra hard!! jia you!! u cn do it!! haix...but no confidence in myself...do wd shit??.. haix...wadeva lar... ZhAnEy peace outZ!!
My Life is not tt bad...still in low spirits...no confidence to do anything....haix....wd 2 do..??...cn any1 cheer me up..?..encourage me or sumtin..??.. hopefully my small bdae gathering cn cheer me up...in believeing in myself or sumthin...anything or wadeva tt cn lift my spirits up...haiz... Mayb im being paranoid...mayb my frens do care....but dey jus nt showing it...or...well i dunno... hopefully dey do care....hope me trusting dem is d best thing i could have ever done in my entire life...coz i jus luv dem so much! realli...i realli do...hope dey noe tt... i like dis gurl...but der's a prob..wont gt into d details...its jus tt mayb its impossible....wanna ask her to prom..but afraid she'll reject...haix...wd shld i do...??
Haix...at last my comp cn b used aldy...more den a week sia...no comp cn die sia......!! anywae a recap of things tt happen in 1 wk...
gt back my phy test back...pass but didnt do tt well...haix...so stupid!!... gt back s.s test back....haiz...i ws disappointed!! i didnt top d class dis time...oni gt 64/100...haiz..... I've been depressed all wk...in skool i look sad....Haix....i cnt put a happy front infront of my frens anymore...i haf to try...but its hard...sobx sobx....
i hope i cn gt back my confidence back b4 o lvl.....hope so...hopefully evythin goes well 4 me.....
Hate myself!!
Zhaney peace out.... Hamdan is still dead............
HaIx...2dae is d worst dae of my entire life....2 blows tt happen to me 2dae....hate myself!!! Jus nw in skool gt back maths test...as usual fail...no surprising...fail f 9 sumore...haix...stupid me...im so stupid..!! den 2dae gt back mt o lvl results...haix...tot i cn gt at least a b4 4 it but i gt c6 instead...haix....so depressed...haix...so sad...realli sad...so stupid sumore...stupid stupid stupid me.....nw i even lost more confidence of myself....i cnt do anything nw anymore...no confidence in doin anything aldy....i so envy my frens who achieve such gd grades 4 mt....haix...i SUX !! Realli SUX!! IM STUPID!!!
Den aft skool went out wif ma frens....walk arnd tm...vry long time nvr walk aldy...haix...ok lar...nt bad...i miss d times tt me n D walk arnd tm 2gther...having fun...like all best frens do...n we did jus nw....i ws quite happy though but nt tt realli.....haix...
Im so gonna retake my mt pp!!! betta buck up Hamdan!!! u betta...or else i wont 4give myself.....realli will nt.....
Hamdan is officially dead dated 11/08/06..... SobX SobX SobX SobX SobX SobX SobX SobX SobX SobX SobX SobX
Depressed 4 life....nthy cn cheer me up.....haix...no 1 2 cheer me up...haix....who cares rite....haix....wadeva.... ZhAnEy peace outz...
hey hey hey...wassup ppl!! ok fine...i wont try to b happy...im sad..realli sad today...gt back chem test back...n EXPECTEDLY i failed...haiz....14/35.....i SUX!! izzt so hard 2 pass sci meh..??.. haiz...dunno lar....my fren gt 25 for it..d highest sumore u noe...he so gd sia...n im bullshit...haiz...hate myself so much tt i dun think im giving myself any chances to redeem myself....jus nw eng...we did oral...den b4 i ws changed partner...S sat wif me...den suddenly she brought up d hist test tt i so detest myself 4 onli getin a mere 64/100....d highest sumore...lousy isnt it..??.. den she keep saying tt i awaes beat her in evry test...n awaes d highest...i mean i feel flattered tt sum1 actualli think highly of me...but i dun....i jus dun think highly of myself...i sux...realli am...i dunno...mayb coz last yr in my class of 4a2...dere's my fren who i awaes kept losing to her in combined humanities test n im awaes 2nd to her...den nw she's in d otha class...i guess nw my turn to shine....but nw its getting tougher n tougher....its hard...realli realli hard....cn hardly manage....but i ws so disappointed in myself 4 mid yr 4 combined humanities in nt topping d cohord....A,W,S all won me....i giv dem props for tt...congrats...!! especially A...he ws so happy tt he beat me in combined humanities...hehehe...nvrmind..let him b ar....o lvl will b my turn to shine...im gg aim 4 a distinction....i hope i cn do it..dere u guys c...tts my prob...i gt no confident in myself to achieve anything nw...haiz....wd's happening to me man..??... ZhAnEy SuX....ZhAnEy SuX....ZhAnEy SuX....HaIz....
Den sumthin awful happen in skool...i think i cried...i mean dere's tears in my eyes...its definitely nt tears of joy...happy 4 wd sia...haiz....den my fren saw it....den he ask..den i sae no lar...nthy ar......den he gt sae tt i look sad in skool...really ar..??.. omg....tts bad..realli bad...but cnt help it...its jus happen...too many things been happening in my life...n its affecting me real bad...i cnt concentrate in my studies anymore...n tts BAD news...prelims is cumin soon...i gt to try haf d energy to study.....haf to try boost my confidence...but its jus too hard....haiz....IM SO STUPID!! Sumore i haf to try put a happy face infront of my frens.........n its nt ez i tell u....but oh well...haf to try...musnt let any1 worry abt me lor...who cares rite anywae..??...no 1 mah...haiz.....ZhAnEy peace outz!!
yo ppl!! haiz...dese few daes i've been rather depressed...dwn...anything sad to describe it...i hate myself...i realli hate myself...i jus cnt take it anymore...im STUPID!! im USELESS!! im HOPELESS!! ArgGgGg..... Mayb im jus stressing myself too much...i dunno...dese probs...tt probs...too much gg into my head...i jus cnt take it anymore...im gonna xplode sooner or later.....haiz...y is dis happening to me..??...is dere a reason behind it....i hope so.... Dis is d 1st time tt i realli lost faith in myself of passing my o lvl...i jus kept thinkin tt i will fail badly...ill nt forgive myself if i ever fail it....haiz...i hate myself!! im jus so WEAK in my maths n sci...i jus cnt do it....even my strongest subj..i have no confident in passing it...or even gt a distinction.....wds happening to me..??.. y am i nt having any confidence in doin anything..??...i jus hate myself..wd am i gonna do..??..prelims is jus around d corner...n i haven even started studying 4 it...im scared...im realli scared..n der's no1 tt i cn even go to help me....my frens...i dunno...its jus too much 4 me to handle....haiz...
IS DIS THE END FOR HAMDAN??
WILL HAMDAN COLLAPSED??
WILL HE BE ABLE TO BOOST UP HIS CONFIDENCE IN TIME TO SURVIVE THE ORDEAL??
YoZ!! im quite happy 2dae coz sumthin happen yest tt make me so overjoyed...hehehe...yeah...u noe dese past few daes i ws sick...i ws dwn wif fever...n ws at hm all dae 4 d past few daes...BORING SIA!! den suddenly yest dated 3/08/06 sum1 msg me....yup...my closest fren...C ar...she ask me wht im betta aldy nt...she sae dey all miss me...hehehe...i ws so happy....at least dey gt care 4 me rite...she even nag me to eat medicine n drink plenty of water...i ws so touched sia...criously...tts d best thing i've received so far dis yr...i i thank her 4 tt....luv u guys to bits!! hehehe.....i hope we'll remain frens 4eva regardless of anything....ZhAnEy peace outz!!
yoZ!! i AM sick...i guess my wish did not really came true tt is to b hospitalised...but i guess falling sick is a consolation...haiz...2dae basically nthy...i ws at hm all dae...my fren ask me out to pei him go town to buy stuffs but i jus cldnt move a muscle...so sick....:( Sori.... I wonder hws skool 2dae sia....any1 gt miss me?...hahaha....i guess nt....i wish i ws so sick tt i had to b hospitalised...but i guess its too much to ask....i realli wish tt wld happen....i guess 2moro i wont b cuming to skool...even if i feel little bit betta..but i dun feel like gg to skool....i shld gt alot of rest....but still i haf to try n study....hopefully haf d energy sia...anywae 2dae 4 d 1st time EVER!! i actualli read a book...its singapore true ghost stories...hehe...dunno y suddenly feel like reading sumthin...n i did...nt finis yet though...ltr continue...reading is fun but its sumtimes boring...n i dun like tt... okok...i wanna ciao liao...wanna watch 1 of my fav show....ZhAnEy peace outz!!
