Yay!! A gg prom..haha...at last...i hope we'll hav a gd time on 1 dec...hopefully... : )
Haiz...i nw realise tt my sis n i are in d same boat...both of seems so cheerful outside...but inside we're suffering... nobody noe wd seems to b d prob in our life...we seem to b happy most of d time...but all tt is a lie...our life is a total lie...oh well...cnt b helped...
Dis few months i realise tt dere are no true or real frens in dis world...u may haf frens nw..but in jus minutes..dey're jus gone w/o sayin gdbye..Frens are like toys...wen u 1st gt it u luv to play wif it..but ull gt bored of it sumday...n jus tossed it off...n cum in a new toy n soon it'll b d same thing ovr n ovr again....i guess tt's my life nw... i gt no real frens or true frens i guess...n im hatin my life....tryin not to ponder all dese things n jus concentrate on my studies..but frens are a part of my life...i cnt live w/o my frens...but sumtimes i feel that im nt wanted by any of dem...dey jus care abt demselves n nvr take d initiative to actualli noe dis fren of deir's is suffering in d inside...n im terribly hurt...realli realli hurt n depressed.... i wanted to end my life...but sumthin tt kept me gg is myself...i wld b lettin myself down if i jus giv up...
Haiz...y is my life dis way...am i jus fated to hav no real frens..??...Oh...my frens: D,D,C,M,F... i luv u guys.. i truly do but u guys just make me realise tt im jus a nobody...a nobody tt is nt cared by deir frens...onli wen my frens are facing a prob...dey wld approach me...im jus a spare...haiz...im flattered tt u guys if gt prob wld approach me bt im a human being too....i hav probs..lots of it...u guys nvr take d initiative to find out.. im disappointed n im just tired...realli tired of my life...my mum n grandmum told me tt my face looks pale..i duno wht tts true...mayb im jus tired...sick...n afraid....u noe wd im afraid of..??...u dun...im afraid of losing all my frens tt i've known 4 d past 16 yrs of my life...dey hav grew into me...u guys made a diff in my life...changed me..to b sum1 i am nw...haiz...mayb im jus too dependent on my frens or mayb expect frm dem too much...but who wldnt..??.. who wldnt depend on deir frens to help dem..b by deir side wen dey face probs...frens are pillars of ur life otha den ur family...w/o dem...ur life is empty...full of emptiness....
i noe im nthy to any1...especially to D,D,C,M,F,A....to dem im jus sum1...sum1 tt cn b cast aside wen u dun nid me anymore...i tried to find new frens to hang out wif..but its hard..coz im nt confident if it wld werk...i wldnt wan history to repeat itself...sumtimes i tot of voicing out my pain to dem but mayb im afraid tt its too much 4 me to handle....im afraid tt aft hearing wd i haf to say...dey wld jus ignore n sae tt im siao!! dey wld simply sae oh..i doubt dey care...coz if dey did...dey wld noe tt sumthin is wrong wif me...but i guess nt...haiz...
Nw otha den tt...im afraid of my upcoming BIG exams tt will determine my fate in my future life...i hav no confidence in passing my o lvls...ppl have faith in me..saying tt i cn do it!! but cn i..??.. tt is wd i've been askin myself 4 d past few months...i wan to do well in my o lvls...i wld nt wan to let dwn my family n myself...So i've made a decision to strive forward...pass my o lvl wif 15 pts....i noe i cn do it...i noe!!... nthy is impossible...hopefully tts true.... i jus hope tt wen i gt back my results next yr...my dreams will cum true...i wld nt wan to collapse n cry my heart out if i fail... if i did fail...i doubt i have d strength to actualli move forward again..its jus too much 4 me... ZhAnEy peace outz!!
