because of you

2008-09-06T12:16:00.002+08:00

INSOMNIA

nowadays i cant slp at all
dunno y but i think im very stressed abt d upcoming exams
damn!! i hate it wen exams are here coz i wont b able to slp at all lar!!!
think too much sumore how to slp
stupid sia!!

anywae enuf abt tt
i want to go shopping sia
so many things to buy!!
i wan havainas i wan white jeans i wan new clothes i wan psp!!
hahaha d list jus kips on going can!!
i wonda wen will i buy all that lar
i think i nid go werk 1st den i shop bah
sian!! nvrmind patience hamdan
patience is a virtue =)

my bdae is like cumin in abt 3 days time
damn since last year i couldnt celebrate my bdae on the day itself due to EXAMS
hate it so much sia!!
its either advanced or belated bdae!!
for once i wanna celebrate it on the dae itself but time prove to be unfair
haix
hahahaha oh wells its ok i jus have to make do wif life for now =)

counting down to the days im turning 19!!!
whee =)

gosh im getting older each year =(

HAMDAN MISSES SUMONE

2008-08-25T00:35:00.003+08:00

FRIENDS

a lot of unfortunate events have been happening
it definitely make me open up my eyes
saw people's true colors and choose my friends wisely
yes truth hurts but if i have to go through it to know the truth
then i guess it's worth it
i finally saw it and i realli thank god to those friends of mine who help me open up my eyes
i don't want to be duped anymore
thought they were my friends but its not
as they say you'll never know who you can trust until u DO know them
i really hate that!!

i treasure friendship to the max!!
no matter whether the person im close with or not
each individual do make an impact in my life no matter how big or small it is
so when there is a problem between my friends and I it affected me
i was hoping it wont but it did
maybe i just love my friends so much that i couldnt accept it turn out sour
oh wells i just have to move on with my life and make new friends
friends come and go as they say
but im glad that my best friends are here to stay with me forever =)

LOVE YOU GUYS LOTS!!

ill be better in time dont worry =)

we were strangers in the begining then became friends but we turn out to be strangers in the end =(

2008-08-06T13:56:00.003+08:00

Dinner yesterday wasnt what i expected
i tot it would be very heartwarming but it wasnt
i was so looking forward to d dinner wif dem but
oh wells at least i got to c all of them yesterday
love them loads!!
suppose to bare everything out yest but

things are just never the same anymore =(

im going off to langkawi tonite
dun miss me too much =)

HAPPY ADVANCED 19TH BIRHTDAY TO JUNJIE JUNHAO AND JESLYN!!

2008-07-27T20:56:00.002+08:00

I JUS DUNNO WHAT THEY WANT FROM ME??

a lof of unfortunate events haf been happening to the family and ok to be fair partly its my fault too but its relli too much for me to handle
i tried to be a gd brother but people think im not im jus tryin to protect her
im tryin to be a filial n gd son but people think im not
i tried to be the best that what EVERYONE wans me to be
gd in my studies be a gd son more importantly to be der for everyone
im not god im human i cant do all that i jus cant do all that anymore
i wanna be perfect for everyone but im jus not
im tryin to be perfect for them
all i ever did in life so far is for them not for me
i dun even noe what i wan for myself anymore
i dun even noe who am i at all
i have many probs that i haven solve yet
more n more arises making me feel so pressurized on what to do
i jus wanna giv up on life right now
i feel so sad that my parents think that i dun care wen i do care about my family
the reason y i spend so much time outside wif my frens bcoz i dun wan any of u to b worried about me
to noe that im suffering inside would pains you would worry you
but you dun get it you jus saw the outer me
im tryin to be the best that you wan me to be but i cant do that anymore since you guys think that im not
be the PERFECT SON for both of you
do u noe its so hard to be PERFECT?? especially tryin hard to satisfy you both
NO!! you guys never did know!!
oh wells never mind all i know that I LOVE MY FAMILY SO MUCH!!

im feeling so sad right now

2008-07-20T22:49:00.002+08:00

IN DEEP THOUGHTS

i've been thinkin a lot dese few daes
about letting go
im afraid to let go relli
but i haf to sooner or later coz im not happy dese way
i haf to let go for my well-being
but its hard
its being etched in my mind
its simply not ez to jus let it go
it affected me wholly and made me what i am today
i bcame worse bcame someone who doesnt blive in faith
bcame someone who doesnt blive in himself anymore
how sad isnt it
SO i've decided to let go of it
but i nid my best frens to be der for me coz i noe it aint gg b ez
can we like mit up asap??

if i cant let go of the past how can i hold the future??
dis is so true so that's y i relli nid to let go of my past if not i cant handle NOW or the FUTURE
HAMDAN u can let it go i noe u can
u wanna be happy rite so u jus haf to let it go
pls bring back the cheerful HAMDAN that everyone knew
pls ='(

I STILL CRY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NITE FOR THE SAMN DAMN THING

2008-07-17T21:30:00.002+08:00

things are jus never gonna b the same again
wen ppl change dey relli change
n dey dun change for the betta but for the worst
i have seen people 's true colors
which i was relli shock to see
which i didnt expect it
its relli true tt it takes a very long time to noe a person
n wen u relli do noe d person it might change everything
wd u tot was not true turns out to be true
n u relli feel so used feel so lost
feel so betrayed feel being backstabbed
not sure who can i trust anymore
it change my perception of ppl around me
afraid to trust ppl coz i dun wanna get hurt anymore
experienced to much hurt to trust ppl anymore
i jus dun gt it y am i awaes d one getting hurt
haix

I HATE IT SO MUCH!!
Y MUS DIS HAPPEN TO ME AWAES??

2008-07-10T22:38:00.002+08:00

nowadyas im so lazy to update my blog man
been too bz to update anywae
so here goes

21 June

my cuz gt married on this day
at last dey gone married
so happy for dem can!!
she looks so pretty
help out clear the dishes n all
i ate like 3-4 times i think
gosh im gona b fat in dis rate

werkin thru the weeks and weeks
n cum to
29 June
my manager gotten married too
gosh ppl getting maried so quickly lar
i wonda wht will i ever got married
hahaha it was fun to c al d cc colleagues again =)
miss dem so much
a pity i officially quited Coffee Club aldy
gg miss werkin der

2 June

today was the hardest for me
i cleared my O lvl stuffs
it was hard
it reminded me every bit of my past
gosh it was painful
haix
y cant i jus move on!!!???
pl ask me y cant i jus move on and jus forget it
i dunno
i jus so hate myself so much!!!
ppl haf no idea hw hard izzt to move on n forget everything
dis is jus not sumthin ez dis is sumthin that i've lost a few yrs back
n it aint ez getting it back
fuck!!! i hate it so much!!!
oh wells

4 July

a crazy dae i mus sae
wei liang accompanied me go amk to gt my sis camera whc she lost it in d cab
den went to lavender to do my passport
den met up wif derran to go bugis to gt his bermudas
den head on to simei to mit up wif fizah
i tell u i basically roam the whole singapore
ok well not d whole of singapore but still cn b considered
i was so tired d whole dae
but at d end of d dae i njoyed every bit of it =)
thnxs wei liang for ur company

5 July

im so xcited for dis dae to cum
u noe y?? im gg to PULAU UBIN!!!
yeah my first time gg der
well im helping out boys scout frm stamford pri
i tell u d kids are cute but naughty!!
very naughty
went hiking around pulau ubin and it was so much fun
d kids gt stucked wif me
everywhere i go dey will follow me
i dunno y mayb im jus likeable
hahahaha overall d dae was great wif d company of nazurah nazirah sobrie mayamin
it was fun hanging out wif dem
i haf d pics but haven upload it yet
so next time ya =)

tmr my classmate turning 19
she's d 1st in the class to turn 19
da jie ah!! hen lao liao
muahahahahaha
tmr we having a class chalet
i cnt wait for tt!!
we gg haf so much fun!! i dun care we haf too
tmr i haf to buy chickens fri prayers driving practice den go to the chalet
gosh so much thing to do tmr!!!
oh wells jus cnt wait to go chalet

HAPPY 19TH BDAE YI WAN!!!

i jus cant take it anymore!!
im jus scared

tot everything was ok but i guess it was jus wishful thinking of me to think ppl will change =(

I MISS MY BESTIES SO MUCH!!
MIT UP SOON YA!!

2008-06-20T02:02:00.002+08:00

MEMORIES THAT HURTS

since young i've awaes treasured frenship to the max
frens were my life
wen darkness fills my life dey were der to light up my life
i could never ever lived without my frens
true enuf i cldnt

i love my frens so much
i wil awaes be there for dem if dey needed me
anytime anywhere wadeva dey need
ill awaes rush der to dem offering dem my help even if dey didnt ask for it
but were dey awaes der for me wen i needed dem d most??
NEVER!! FUCK RITE
to think dey actuali said that dey will awaes be dere for u irregardless of anything
but all those was lies!!
i mean i dun expect dem to b der for me everytime coz i noe dey have deir own lives
so i jus dun gt it y cant dey jus b der for me wen i needed dem d most
haix

i hate it wen my frens are attached
coz i noe that im definitely gg be more apart from dem
coz too dem their otha partners definitely cums first
i was scared that im gona LOSE my frens coz we dun tok or mit up anymore ever since
thinking that dey dun care abt me anymore
while i MISS THEM SO MUCH
hoping that dey wld giv me their 1 dae jus to spend time wif dem
is that too much to ASK??
to dem it is
if being attached its gonna be like this i wonda wd will happen wen dey gt married
haix
oh wellls as long as dey're happy im happy =)

apart frm all those stuffs
sumthing tt relli impact me was myself
people around me had awaes had high expectations of me especially in studies
i dunno y but dey do
so i in turn wld had high expectations myself
i passed PSLE but didnt had enuf score to gt into d express stream
which my parents wanted me to be in
i've disappointed dem
ok tts d 1st
O levels i failed twice tryin so hard but still couldnt passed
disappointed my parents again
u noe its so hard to live up to ppl expectations
n wen u cnt make it u disappointed alot of ppl around u especially ur parents
people said i tried my best but i guess my best wasnt enuf
its not oni disappointment i experienced
bcoz of those failures especially failing my O lvl i've lost all d confidence in me
until now i didnt had any confidence inside of me
i've awaes pretended that i was able to cope wif everything but i CANT!!!
u noe its so hard to do things without any confidence in you
especially tryin to bounce back frm failing O lvl twice
AINT EASY!!
all my frens told me to move on jus forget abt my past failures
but dey haf no idea how hard izzt to jus move on
dey're not me how do dey noe hw it feels to be a complete failure
try living my life n u noe hw sucky it is
i fuckin hate myself tts abt it
hate hw i turn out to be
PRETENDING THAT EVERYTHING WAS OK BUT ITS NOT
IM IN DENIAL
FORCED TO FAKE A SMILE A LAUGH EVERYDAE OF MY LIFE
i wan to be happy relli happy for once but its very difficult nowadays
haix

i longed to hear frm my parents that dey are PROUD of me
but until now dey haven sae it to me yet
mayb bcoz i've disappointed dem many times
der's nothing to b proud about
even if i scored well in my studies dey didnt even sae anything
dey expect me to do betta in it
to dem no matter hw gd i did in my studies its never enuf
i jus feel that dey are ashamed tt i gt into ITE but not POLY
i still rmb tt wen a stranger ask my parents abt me whr i sch
dey wld sae POLY not ITE
do u noe how painful it is tt to hear frm ur own parents
it seems that dey were ashamed tt i entered ITE
i dunno but tts wd i feel

I've awaes wished that i wld b in a COMA
may bcoz i jus wanna RUN AWAY frm dis awful world i currently live in now
in the past i did tried to commit suicide
but i stopped myself frm doin it coz its jus nt worth it
its jus a cowardly act
tryin to run awae frm reality
bsides i wonda how my parents gg take it wen im gone
i haf to think abt my family
i dun tink dey will be able to take it tt im gone
i thank god i didnt do it

i hate to CRY every now and then for the SAME DAMN THING
but i can hardly take it anymore
locking myself up in my room
trying to cry myself to sleep
but its awaes futile
i couldnt let go
dey sae sumthing mus be broken before dey can be fixed
im broken but im still not fixed yet
how to fix me??
haix
i'd rather bottled up everything in me than telling my frens abt it
coz i didnt wan dem to worry abt me
i dun think dey cared enuf abt me to worry
if dey did dey shld haf seen that this fren of deirs is suffering
but dey didnt notice a thing
dey never ask enuf dey didnt pester enuf to noe
bsides dey haf deir own probs n lives to lead
i dun wan dem to haf to worry abt me another thing they haf to worry
i noe dey haf enuf probs to handle

now im scared that i wont be able to do well in my ITE studies
its very difficult bcoz its my last yr of the course
wif so many probs around me i can hardly concentrate
im afraid to disappoint my parents again
IM JUS SCARED TO FAIL AGAIN
haix

I LOVE MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS

2008-06-19T01:33:00.003+08:00

2 June 2008

aft sch went out wif ah roy elynn liwen to walk around at tm n eat dinner together
i tot its jus gg b dinner for me but unexpectedly my bro nordin col me
he ask me whr am i and he wanted to mit up
gosh i haven seen that guy for a yr plus aldy u noe
of course i dun mind mit him hehehe
walked around tm wif him to find hp pouch n strap
hahahaha
den decided to play pool at katong
i tell u i lost almost every game wif d black ball gg in
damn suay can!!!
argggg anywae we went off around 10+
i had sch d next dae n his contacts was dry so he was uncomfortable wearing it
so off we go
took pics wif him muhahahahaahaha

3 & 4 June

RA did sum tourism project
i cant relli rmb ah but yeah we did
but d one tt i remembered wd happen tt is vital is definitely on d 4 jun
i was so STRESSED OUT!!
coz i was unable to undastand anything abt d topic tt teacher teach
i was so fucking pissed off at myself for not understanding it lar!!!
haix
the whole evening was ruined bcoz of tt
oh wells

5 june

well aft sch played a few games of pool wif jun n i jus simply cant play it right
i lost every game badly which i've never
dunno lar my mind was in a whirl
thinkin too many things i guess
oh wells wanted to play more but i had to leave for werk
damn coz my manager ask me wht i cn werk for him tt dae coz he was sick
i gt nthy on so i said ok lo i was bored anywae so wd d heck werk lo
i did shades
gosh i tell u i was bored to death but very slack ah
luckily ah roy was on d fone wif me to kip me company for an hr or so
phew learnt new things n poof went home
tiring dae!!

6 jun

werk at my coffee club
i cnt relli rmb wd happen
but its been a long time since i werk der so i gt a lil bit blur
hahahaha
oh wells im gg quit soon so dun care lar

7 jun

werk hotel did minibar again
boring lo d same thing bah
its fun coz i gt to mit different kind of ppl around the world
but its oso boring lar
so hahaha der's nothing to tok abt on this dae

9 june

went to nazurah hse to discuss tourism project coz she was sick
so went to her hse
im so proud tt everyone did deir research u noe =)
discuss n discuss until everyone was tired including me
so aft tt everone went home to haf dinner
we gg mit up d next dae to go to d museum for our project
decided not to go for sch tmr
so col up our tcher to inform her lo
she said ok so its fine =)

10 june

RA went to ACM
i tell u its so fun!! i love d place so much
we tot we had to pay but in d end no nid coz it was free admission for students
yeah!! so we went for d tour
i tell u i was very fascinated by ervything inside d museum
aft d tour all of us took pics of it
i dun haf d pics yet uh wait ill post it up next time once i gt it
aft tt went to malay heritage center
haf to pay dis time 4 bucks!!
i tell u its such a boring place to go
der's absolutely nothing to c ah
waste ur time n $$$
its such a disappointment relli!!!
oh wells dis museum is so off the itinerary!!! period!!!
so aft tt we had no whr to go aldy
me ah roy n jon went to play pool at bugis
i played relatively well i mus sae
whee so proud of myself can!!
den we went to eat lo aft tt go home
im kinda lazy to type aldy
hahahaha

2008-06-01T21:44:00.002+08:00

i cant believe it that i haven update dis blog for 1 month
muahahahaha
been bz peeps and im jus not in da right mood yet to blog
oh wells now i gt tons of things to blog abt
but ill try n cut it short coz im lazy to blog abt so many things
hahahahahas

7 May

what did i do on tt dae
oh ya me yiwan jon jj all slack at ehub coz we basically gt nthy to do aft school
ate at dippin donuts yumy donuts but still cant beat donut factory sorry
slacked until 8+ tok alot of stuffs and dey asked me to confess abt A CERTAIN THING
n which i did hahahaha okok i noe i noe!!! i confessed its true!!
i stil like her i still do =)
bleahx

8 May

i was sick so i didnt attend sch
but i was ok to mit up wif my peeps at ehub
hahahas i noe i noe im sick not to go sch but im not too sick to go out
went to mit everyone at coffee bean slacked for awhile and decide wd to do next
d rest of d grp whom i mean jes n co went home coz it was pretty late aldy
so me jon yiwan jj jh chris zhiwei n fren decided to go play pool
we played for i think 1 hr + n decided to go watch a movie
oni me yiwan jj jh chris watched d movie what happens in vegas
the show is simply hilarious not bad ah
den aft d show went to slack at d twins hse bt yiwan cldnt make it so oni 4 of us
tok abt ghosts n stuffs
hahahaa it jus freaks everyone up!! including chris muahahaha yes chris!! i noe!!
it kinda freaks me out too but i think d worst was jh
hahahaha he freaked out!! went home in d morn to catch d 1st bus home wif chris
be careful u guys CHRIS GT 3RD EYE!!!
hahahahahas
i love d dae wif d grp!! =)

9 May

met up wif jj jh yiwan at ehub again to play board games at nebo
hahahahaha it was so much fun!!
the games are all stupid but fun!!
its d company tt counts so yeah!!
we all gt play dis balancing game
i teamed up wif jh n jj yiwan n fren in d otha grp
as u all noe me jh simply great at balancing so we won
d losing grp kanna forfeit
muahahhaa dey had to drink 7up wif chili
its so bloody damn disgusting
u shld haf seen deir faces
yiwan had to go off 1st coz she miting her frens
so me n d twins went to deir hse to gt smart shoes for me
yeapz im starting my new job d next dae!!
yay for me!!
had fun wif dem so much on tt dae!!! we mus haf dis thing again!!

10 & 11 May

my 1st dae in the hotel job
it was scary ah coz i dunno any1 der yet
it was fun yet tiring ah basically
had to carry chairs n stack up in rooms for d church ppl to discuss abt wd oso i dunno
sheesh!!every sat leh wth!!!
tiring u noe hahaha but oh wells at least gt ppl help me can liao!!!
i end the werk at 9 so went home for me!! tired
d next dae i werk oso i tell u gt sprained my muscles sia!!
carried a lot of heavy chairs n all 80 chairs leh a lot wor
for a small size cute person like me hahahaa
jus haf to get used to it lo
but it was fun ah
sumthing ive never done b4
its nice to try sumthing new den f&b line
i nid broaden my line of xperiences sia!!
muahahaha i cnt wait to werk more n gt to noe more frens!! =)
loving the hotel job!! thnxs pearl for intro-ing me d job!!

13 May

meet up wif the grp to do the tourism project
well in a way we did d project ah
we did do sum research but in d end we were jus too tired n plain lazy to do it!!
muahahaha
we all ended up takin pics n 1 of us SLPING!!
d one slping shld noe who is he hor!!
hahahahahahas dun make me put d pic inside d blog bleahx!!
we all had to go off early coz nazurah gt prac lessons on tt dae
so basically aftwards me ah roy jon went to eat at kfc!!
tok n slack for awhile b4 gg hm
it was fun wif dem!! i love dem so much can!!
but still we nid to do our projects seriously hor!!
of course der'll b fun and games but still nid to finish up d project n gt A!!!
prove to the teacher tt we ARE THE RA!!!
oni d grp members noe wds tt!!! =)

15 May

i had my costing CA today
i was FUCKING PISSED OFF!!! i couldnt enter d exam hall bcoz of my shoe
i dun gt it its jus 3 stripes of white color on both sides n im not alowed in!!
fucking ridiculous!! i was so pissed off
dey expect me to buy a new shoe
it freaking cost me 11 bucks!!! waste my $$$
i fuckin hate the teacher!!!
stupid!! i was so fuckin pissed
i tell u i forgotten all d things i studied
thanxs a lot!!! stupid sch n d rules!!!!
thanxs to you my results was like shit!! i couldnt gt an A for it!!! whc i noe im capable of achieving it!!! bloody hell!!!!
i went home straight coz i wasnt in da mood n i was fucking angry n pissed!!!
i wldnt wan to scold ppl!!!
i apologise to everyone who tried to tok to me but i didnt respond

16 May

went out wif ite peeps to celebrate zhiwei bdae in advance
we kbox d whole dae frm 3-9pm
it was so much fun singing a pity i didnt noe hw to sing mandarin songs!!
if not i wld haf joined them singing mandarin songs!! nevertheless i had fun!!
i hope zhiwei had fun too wif our company
basically took a lot of pics played dice games n stuffs
it was loves!! aft tt we went to eat at kfc coz basically all d places are full n we jus haf no idea whr to eat
aft our late dinner all of us parted ways!! coz im werkin d next dae liwen cant ton yet
jj was not flg well so we went home
jes zhiwei chris mingjie ton outside
sori couldnt njoy more wif d rest
but it was fun wif deir company !!!loves it!!

20 May

i had d most fun today!!
i went to mit up wif my sis fizah at east point to have lunch wif her
jj yiwan join in too
went to eat at 18's chef
i mus sae its not bad ah
so tok n tok den decided to mit up at jon hse to play MAHJONG!!
dey were me ah roy fizah jj jh yiwan
i nvr played b4 n bsides i cnt play coz its gambling
but i played of course we didnt play wif $$$
if not i die sia a lot of sins worx!!
i tell u lar i so suay can so unlucky my hand ah so suay!!
i gt all d tiles tt i dun wan sia!! i cant win sia like tt!!
fizah won like 4 times consecutively can!!! HW D HELL DID SHE WIN SIA!!
oh wells she noes how to play sia i still quite blur blur de
muahahaha but nonetheless i njoyed playing wif everyone!!
of course de day wont be complete if we all nvr take pic rite!!
hahahaha took a lot of pics!! i jus love takin pics nowadays dunno y!!
hahahaha

21 May

i was so happy wen my bro ANDREW col me sia
we tok on the fone for 1 hrs+++ until he batt low!! fuck!!
its been like almost 1 yr not miting him sia
n wen he col me i was like so happy sia!!! crious!!
i miss him so much can!!!
i dun care we betta mit up like real soon!!!!

26 May

happy bdae Zhiwei!!
at last he turn 19 liao!!
so old liao muahahahahaa!!
anywae on dis dae itself i gt my AA CA sia!!
walao d part B hard sia
i've never done it b4 in any assignments sia!!! die liao!! think think so hard still dunno how to do!!
but i was able to do in d end!! i gt an A for it!! yipee
taught ah roy n jun thru d weekends n evrything paid off!! all of dem gt A
so proud of dem can!! d feeling is so great!!
yeah!! we'll gg study together again in future =)

27 May

aft school went to MOE to take o lvl results
didnt wan to go actualli coz my results suck to d core sia!! c oso i wan burn!!
but yiwan die die wan to take coz she improve alot!! gd for her
so accompanied her lo!!
i tell u we reach der den sudenly rain so heavy sia!!! dammit sia!!
den we so stupid lar didnt noe gt bridge to go d otha side
waited like an idiot for d rain to stop
hahaha tot d bridge was unda construction coz it seems like it
so went to d otha side and at last reached MOE n gt d cert!!!
den waited for yiwan fren to cum n take cert oso den off all of us to woodlands to mit sihui
she gt car mah n bsides yiwan suppose to mit her
so she drove us all d wae to tamp n let me off to take 15 n go home lo!! thnxs sihui!!
IT CAME BACK!!! FUCK!!

28 May

PAST HAUNTS ME!!

i tell u i was so emo on tt dae
wasnt in da mood to tok to anyone
so during break aft eating went out to find a quiet plc jus listenin to my music n emo 1 corner
dam it!! d sch very hard to find quiet places sia!!
i was so sad!!
my past was jolted back d moment i go take my o lvl cert!!
it brings back painful memories
which i long gone so called forgotten abt it!!
its fucking irritating sia!! stupid!!
reminded me how a failure i was last time!!! fuck!!!
i jus like wan burn d stupid cert sia!!!!
fuck fuck fuck!!!!
hate myself so much!! omg im gg sae it again n again on how i hate myself!!
wadeva!!

so dis wad happened to me in d 1month i MIA frm my blog!!!
ups n dwns in life
typical life!!
fucking hate my life again!!!
i hate to go thru it all over again!!
now i relli nid sumone to tok to
bare everything out so ill feel betta
n of course a shoulder to cry on
anybody care to lend me theirs??
if u do pls tag me or msg me pls
thnxs a lot!!

2008-05-04T00:55:00.003+08:00

FUN WEEK!!

dis wk sch oni for 3 daes
coz on thurs labour day and fri no sch!!!
muahahahaha
so on wed went out wif sum of the group
i tell u i had to beg n beg them to come pei lar
hahahaha
in d end dey came!! yay!!!
so went to amk at around 8 to play pool at KPOOL
its so fun can!!
jj,yiwan,fel n d nameless/noname bf n C n Z
we played for 4 hrs
jes n d grp drop by for awhile b4 heading off to clarke quay to chill
sori guys didnt follow
so we ended playin pool at around 12 den went to eat at MAC -.-
aft tt dunno whr go coz criously amk der's nthy
so jus walk around n find a plc to sit n chill lo
den aft went to d nearest coffee shop to watch soccer
i tell u that was d 1st time i watch soccer outside de
it was ok ah
but i was so bloody damn sleepy
i cant literally open my eyes sia!!crious!!
usualli i can but mayb bcoz haven been slpin early past few days bah
oh wells so aft tt we all went home takin d 1st bus!!
wheee reach hm at 6 n off to my comfy bed =)
overall i luv the nite wif d company of everyone!!
luv u guys lots!!

labor day i werk so nthy much happen
fri i werk in da morn help replace rabia
den aft tt went to mit my besties sew fiz dan der
d rest gt stg on so no worries
ahhh at last meet dem aft 1 month nvr mit
so long can!!
we basically had a balls of fun!!
laughin n teasing one anotha
especially me poking der muahahahaaha
ill poke u more der!!! muahahaha im so evil!!!
a pity d nite ended young
but its so great to c dem again =)
luv u guys lots!!

I STILL FUCKING DUN GET IT
HAIX

2008-04-28T22:53:00.001+08:00

some things are jus meant to be like that i guess
there's nothing i can do
dey chose to be like that
oh wells

i miss my BESTIES so much!!
wen we miting up??

2008-04-25T01:12:00.002+08:00

SCHOOL JUS SUX TO THE CORE!!!

relli hate hate hate to go to school aldy
this semester is relli killing me its relli killing all of us
its so damn tiring lar
and we got all the BORING teachers ever!!
wth!! irritating u noe
sum of the tchers are ok lar but mostly is jus so BORING!!
i relli dun like the accounting teacher
she jus dunno how to teach lar
trust me she relli doesnt noe how to teach
the whole class agrees with me on this
wanted to do a petition to chg tcher but i think it will b very troublesome lar
gg haf a reshuffling of tchers and mayb a chg of timetable whc may ruined our friday off from school
oh wells i guess we jus haf to TAHAN for dis semester and hopefully we wont fail our advanced accounting dis semester and hopefully we wont gt her again the next semester, if she take us again the petition will cum out!!!

projects are piling up!! ahhhhhh
so stress up can!! i wanna do well in everything lar
but im jus too bz to do anything lar
haix
my probs still not solved so i dunno hw long i can still hold out =(
hopefully until i finis my ite life

i miss my frens so much!!
haven seen dem for like 2 wks??
hahahaha i noe so long rite!!!! ahhhh
wen we miting up sia??
soon pls i miss u guys too much!!!
love ya!!

i still cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing!!

2008-04-16T23:18:00.002+08:00

3RD DAY OF SCHOOL

school getting suckier and suckier by the dae
im like hating to cum to school anymore
its freaking boring!!
1st lesson was thinking problem solving
its a lame class i guess
the tcher is boring wd cn i sae
aft tt we had our tourism lecture
omg!! i tell u its so BORING LAR!!!
i dun gt it!! y cant d teachers jus make their lessons interesting??!!
den gt tourism tutorials
it was ok i guess
i jus cant wait to do the project work!! coz it simply jus so much fun to do!!
i think!! muahahahaha
den went to eat lunch
as it was onli 1 hr of break we had to eat in sch!
but to our favor
it was bloody damn crowded sia!!
der's simply no space at all to sit and eat!!!
guess eating outside school was unavoidable
muahahahahaa
went to eat at ljs at eastpt and we were late for class for 40 mins!!
cool huh!!
so had costing lesson and advanced accounting afterwards
basically its jus more lessons and more lessons
school getting more boring!! criously!!
i hate going to school now!!
and on a more crious note!! der was no AIRCON!!
it was freaking hot lar!! stupid rite!!!
argggg
stupid school!!

i wonda what relli happened between us??
we basically jus drifted apart
haix
i feel miserably sad =(

2008-04-15T23:54:00.002+08:00

2ND DAY OF SCHOOL

it jus gets worst and worst
im not liking school at all anymore
it jus suxs ok!! im not gonna elaborate on it coz im jus tired
but at d end of d dae i played billiard wif ah roy and jon
yay!!so fun can!!although i dun relli like playing billiard but its still not bad
ah roy shifu teach me how to play properly
wah he very the fierce leh
if i do wrong he scold well not relli scold ah so called reprimand me =(
hahahahaha ok lar thnxs for everything ah roy i had fun!!
i cant wait for our next billiard/pool session!!!
i relli njoy hanging around wif all of them so much!!

well jus came back frm werk whc is so boring coz nt much customers =(
but luckily gt alif kecik whc tis was my 2nd time werkin wif him aft 3 months werkin
hahaha i noe our work schedule are hardly on the same dae =(
but oh well its great seeing him at last!!
so werk is not all that boring lar =)

i can see that we are definitely growing apart
things are jus not the same anymore
im not sure what's the cause of it but im jus disapoointed relli
today i look thru again the pics in my fone
der's a sense of happiness and sadness all into 1
i jus miss the good old times whr nothing relli matters
but everything's jus changed =(
u've changed
haix
oh well mayb i jus haf to accept the fact it turn out the way it is now
but whatever it is i still care abt u guys and love u all to bits no matter wd happened =)
but im not sure wht u guys actualli cared abt me in the 1st plc =(
since ur showing me otherwise
oh wells

my frens hurt me more than i hurt myself =(

2008-04-15T00:25:00.003+08:00

1ST DAY OF SCHOOL/STUPID SCHOOL!!!!

on 14 apr sch starts at last aft 1 month and 2 daes of hols
i was so looking forward to it lar coz at last able to see all my classmates rite??
but hor it was not wad i xpected
ok fine ill start the story

as awaes i overslpt and in d end mit my classmates late at tamp mac
hahaha sori guys!!
i decided to cum in sch late coz hello its d 1st dae of sch
who gt ppl cum on time and early wan?? correct or not??
unless u very the guai and freshie confirm cum sch on time and early
muahahahahahaha
so i am the so called 'MATRIP' which i am not but if they insist i am 'MAT EDUCATED' as my frens sae bcoz d wae i dress
so i came late for class!! muahahaha
i tell u d moment i reach the theatre
i found out that a lecture was on
i was WTF!! crious ah??
1st dae of school oni leh forgoodness sake??
u all haf no brains and sympathy ah?
stupid school!!
1st dae of school got lessons aldy!! omg!!
u think wad we JC izzt?? ITE leh!!
still ITE not bad wor!!
but still dun haf to start lesson on the 1st dae of school rite??
stupid school!!
ok so starting of school wasnt a gd start
i tot d more it go on it wld be betta but i was WRONG!!
next was lunch!!
i tell u it was bloody damn crowded!! well as xpected!!
a lot of freshies!! so that i dun mind at all
aft lunch my costing subject(a new subject)
the tcher is ok lar quite old
she very the kanchiong type leh
wan to start wif the lesson!!
i was bloody hell!! u wan me hate u ah on the 1st dae??
we learn sum new things n basic things oso lo
sian i tell u it jus gets worst!!
next wld be advanced accounting lessons
old tcher oso!! more kanchiong sia!!
we started on lessons liao
a very ez topic de to me lar
she go thru den do qns aldy
i was like FUCK U LAR!! ( of course i nvr sae it out loud ah)
1st dae oni leh ppl!!
stupid school i sue u den u noe!! argggggg
and and and she sae do d qns finis den hand up can go rite
i hand up le den she sae wait until she finis marking it
i was like hello!! she sae she scared she teach wrong she scared we dunno how to do
i was like so fed up aldy and she giv me that!!
i went to her desk and ask her

hamdan: tcher can i like mark myself??
tcher: *she giv me that look* (stupid look)

den i jus walk away without taking my paper back
and bsides i noe that i got it all right so i dun nid care =)
muahahahahahaha its true!!
so aft tt went home straight coz i was js too tired lar n fed up!!

see ppl how stupid can the school get
1st dae of school got lessons aldy
hello school r u jus stupid or r u jus stupid??
think ppl think??
u think the students wld pay attention to whatever ur saying on the 1st dae??
*ding dong* NOPE!!!
in the end u have to repeat again and again!!
stupid rite these ppl
dun u guys agree???
oh wells it jus didnt go exactly what i tot it wld
i jus hope it wld be betta in time to come!!
the end of story hahahahaha

2008-04-14T23:52:00.002+08:00

on the 13 APR 2008 my dearest sew turned 19

hahahahaha many ppl turning 19 liao so old aldy

sooon will be like my turn but in a few months time

muahahahahaha

HAPPY 19TH BDAE SEW!!

LOVE YOU LOTS!!

we suppose to mit up at 630pm
but as awaes everyone was late
in d end all of us reached around 730pm
muahahhahaa yeah 1 hr later
went to T3 to eat swensens and in d end found out it was Earl's swensens
i tell u its so bloody damn expensive!!
i cant afford it we cant afford it
so cancel our reservations and move on to T2 for d original swensens
phew!! cheaper muahahahaha
its quite big but d service simply jus sux to the core!!
d food overall not bad!!
im satisfied wif mine(i gt d pics but lazy upload it lar)
criously dun go der to eat coz d service jus sux man!!!
muahahaahhahhahaa im like condemning the place lar
who cares!!!
so aft tt sucky service we jus experienced instead of having the desserts dere itself
we went to EARL's swensen for desserts
i jus love the place and plus the service der is 10 times betta den the original swensens
the desserts is jus amazing i tell u
but i think the nicest dessert amongst all wld definitely be mine n cher which apple crumble
YUMMY!! i wan eat again sia!! muahahahahaha (sori lazy upload pics)
aft tt all of us went home coz tomorrow sum gt sch n werk n sum haven start school yet and sum are simply jus tired
muahahahaha
overall the dae is jus LOVES!! Coz at last the whole group turn up and i miss everyone so much!!
I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!

2008-04-12T00:58:00.002+08:00

DURING THE HOLS

well overall its all balanced
been going out wif frens werking slacking at home
and and and school reopens soon in like 2 daes!!! muahahahaha cant wait leh!!!

i recently got bad news
my uncle was diagnosed wif malaria
im so shocked
i prayed hard for his safety
and jus nw i went to c him
he was conscious
his fever has subsided
it was a relieved
god relli have answered my prayers
thank you =)
i relli hope he will be ok
his family nids him and im worried for them so much
all i can do now is to be there for them
let's all pray for his well-being

sumone in da group turning 19 soon wor
so old aldy lar!!muahahahahaha

2008-04-02T09:19:00.002+08:00

RESULTS

yest nite was apparently hard for me to slp
u noe why??
yeah my results are released d next day
tossing and turning frm side to side
gosh i relli wanna slp u noe!!
set my alarm at 9am
that is wen d results are released
quickly on the comp and log in my account
and u noe wd the results was unsatisfactory
i passed all but it was not wd i expected to get =(
especially for my accounting
im so disappointed in myself =(
my results are as follows

INTERMEDIATE ACCOUNTING B
MANAGING PEOPLE SYSTEMS B
BUSINESS COMMUNICATION B
GPA 3.147

gosh i dropped in my GPA sia
die die die die die die die die
this time i did so badly sia!!!!
haix
dunno gt mood to go out or not ltr!!! =(

THIS IS WHAT I WAS SCARED ABOUT
HAIX

2008-03-26T16:05:00.002+08:00

TOO BZ TO GO OUT NOWADAYS

was able to b in contact wif sum of my long lost pri sch peeps
miss dem so much can!!
tok to dem online
gosh brings back memories
i jus love love the memories gd n bad memories
we gg mit up soon and i cant wait!!
muahahahahaha

so had chalet wif my besties for mer n dan bdae!!
i relli love that all of us can make it that nite
its simply d best nite ever
all of us together in 1 room
having fun together
i miss all those
a pity d nite ended so quick
its simply not enuf lar
im sure the rest agrees wif me too
but its ok we gg haf dis gathering alot more in d future!!
i dun care!!
I CRIOUSLY LOVE THEM SO MUCH N I HOPE THEY NOE THAT

results cumin out soon ppl!!
next wk man so fast!!!
so scared to gt it back =(
but i think i shld be able to do well
but apart of me saes otherwise
its not believing in me yet!!
and i hav no idea y not!!!
arggggg its so frustrating u noe!!
not being able to believe in urself fully
i jus hope that d half of d belief in me stays wif me
i shall not let go d fragment of belief in me that easily
I HOPE SO

i jus dun wan to get hurt anymore
i jus dun wan to be demoralised further
for once i wanna live my life happily with my loved ones
without hurting myself

I NEVER WAN TO GET HURT ANYMORE

2008-03-14T00:30:00.003+08:00

its been very long since my last post
muahahahahahahahaha
bz ah beb

anywae been mugging real hard for exams
teachin my frens accounting and all
thank god its over!! like finally man!!
i cn haf a breather at last!! wheee
but im so worried of my results lar
dunno will do well or not sia
its not ez ok

now hols are here!! wheeeee =)

so wd are my plans for dis hols??

i dunno
working slacking go out wif frens if i haf the time =)
chalet cumin soon!! cant wait for that!!
basically its like werk slack n jus njoy lo!!
d hols are short i mus sae
1 month oni leh ppl
whr gt enuf sia?
poly students haf like 2 months of hols lar!!
not fair can!!
oh wells nvrmind
well at least i prefer to go to sch
see n hang out wif my peeps
more fun than werkin u noe
muahahahahaha

so many things hav been hapening lately
but i shant sae abt it
all i can sae is that im relli relli SHOCKED N DISAPPOINTED
but well its over and everything is back to normal again =)
ok well i hope so

im back to my emo self
a lot more of emo shits man!!
muahahahaha so cool!!
EMO BOI!!

I MISS EVERYONE SO MUCH!!

2008-03-05T01:01:00.001+08:00

ARGGGGGG
I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!
IM TOO STRESSED OUT!!
I RELLI NEED A SHOULDER TO CRY ON

2008-03-03T23:53:00.002+08:00

finally decided to blog
muahahaha

many things have been happening and i jus didnt haf d mood anymore to blog
apparently today i jus feel like blogging i guess
im experiencing a major meltdown!!
im too stressed out wif the exams
its like cumin soon n im so not ready!!!!
arggggg
im scared to fail again
i cant afford to fail again!!
i jus cant!!
IM AFRAID!!

i haven been hanging out wif them
n i jus duno y i never
mayb i jus dun feel like it??
sori but mayb tts y
i dunno
i miss hanging out wif dem though =)
mayb after exams or sumthing we'll hang out bah
ill c hw my mood gonna b like next wk
all i noe that now im jus not in da mood
sori guys
i hope u guys undastand??
n pls study
its important!!
if u nid any help jus ask me =)

im experiencing some probs
so if my mood is like very terrible or anything
ask me wds wrong ok?
i noe that im very stubborn
u guys ask 1st time i wont sae wan
so if u guys relli wanna noe wds wrong jus pester me or sumthing
i may giv in n jus tell u guys abt it aite
haix

I STILL NEED A SHOULDER TO CRY ON

2008-02-19T00:02:00.001+08:00

I NEED A SHOULDER TO CRY ON

2008-02-16T01:18:00.002+08:00

WANNA KNOW WHAT I DO ON VALENTINE'S DAY??

WORKING -.-
totalli forgotten abt V day so i werked on thurs
it was also rand's bdae
so i was unable to celebrate his bdae wif d rest
sorry randolph

WORK WAS TIRING!!
SO MANY CUSTOMERS SIA!!
HAHAHA ACTUALLI IT WAS OK LAR
I XPERIENCE WORSE THAN THIS BEFORE
THE ONE THING I HAD TO DO APART FRM SERVICE WAS DISHWASHING
I TELL U DERE WERE MOUNTAINS N MOUNTAINS OF UTENSILS PLATES
I DID IT EVRYTHING IN 2 HOURS SIA!!
ALL ALONE
BUT LUCKILY JS WAS DER TO HELP ME WASH D GLASSES!!
THNXS JS!!

i would be lying to myself if i sae im happy now
sadly to say im not still
i was suppose to be ok wif my probs
bt i jus dunno y its bugging me now
haix
mayb a lot is at stake
exams are cumin
and im too stresed out
afraid that i wont b able to do well in it
afraid ill disappoint myself further
DO U GUYS KNOW HOW SCARED AM I TO FAIL AGAIN??
ESPECIALLY WEN I'VE FAILED MY O LVL TWICE!!!
HAIX
IM RELLI RELLI BLOODY DAMN SCARED!!!
FUCKING HATE MYSELF!!
SOBX SOBX SOBX SOBX SOBX SOBX SOBX SOBX SOBX

IM CRIOUSLY NOT IN DA MOOD TO GO TO SCH OR STUDY

I RELLI NID SUMONE TO KEEP ME COMPANY
ANYONE??

2008-02-12T01:05:00.000+08:00

STILL STUCK IN THE PAST!!

these past few days i've been relli in deep tots
i tot i was OVER IT but i guess im not
ask my frens abt certain things yest
dey sae it takes time to regain back confidence
it may be hard but time will eventualli heal
EVERYONE will sure regain back their confidence no matter hw long it takes
YOU jus need perseverance and time
dun haf to rush things
sum sae jus believe in urself
the confidence will cum back to u automatically wen u believe
NOTHING CAN STOP ME EXCEPT MYSELF
sounds logical enuf i guess
i jus gotta continue TRYING n TRYING n TRYING
until i regain back my confidence
im trying my very best to achieve my goals and believe in myself for the past years
but its oni making a slight progress
what progress u ask??
im not sure myself
i jus hope its for the betta??

BUT ONE THING IM RELLI SCARED IS
I WOULD GIVE UP HALFWAY TRYING
coz i noe that im physically n emotional weak although i tend to be otherwise
IM RELLI SCARED
that my CONFIDENCE would never return to me =(
haix
oh wells i jus hope it wont turn that way for me =)

SCHOOL

Y IN THE WORLD IS IT SO HARD TO ASK YOUR FRENS TO CUM TO SCH??
i haf to like force them go to sch den dey go
if not dey dun wan
late oso dun wan cum for lessons
forgoodness sake studies BLOODY DAMN important ok!!!
i force u all to go coz i care/concern abt all of u all studies
but i guess u all dun relli care abt it huh??
i guess my nagging fell on deaf ears i guess
oh wells
i did wad i thing i shld do
the rest is up to u guys lar
MAYBE I SHOULD JUS STOP NAGGING HUH??
doesnt make any difference rite wht i nag or not??
u guys would relli LOVE it if i jus stopped??
u all noe who u all are
all i can do is jus hope for the best for u all =)
but please please cum to class/sch
it is important!!

i dunnno how to end this post!! muahahahahahahaha

HAPPY 25TH BIRTHDAY DALIMA!!!
may all ur wishes n dreams cum true!!!
enjoy ur dae to the fullest alrite!!

2008-02-07T23:35:00.000+08:00

i am sick for a week now n still am
gosh i hate it wen im sick
pimple breakout can!!
anywae nothing major happened
so der's relli nthy to blog about i guess
n bsides im not in da mood n im still sick!!!

my bro Zaid slpt over my hse
ask him over for his company
reli glad he cld come over =)
we played my PS2 the whole entire nite lar
i relli had fun wif him man!!
we slpt at 830am
hahahaha n had to wake up at 1130am
bsides he set d alarm at 1130am
n oh boy was it irritating!!
hahahaha

initiallly supose to mit up wif sharifah
but she couldnt make it d last min
in d 1st plc suppose to mit my pri sch mates but dey wernt free
oh wells
so called up nasrul,zaid n pak an to mit up for pool
played pool for 3 hrs i had fun
well mostly all of dem had more fun den me
dey kept teasing n teasing me lar
for wearing my skinny jeans n look like a MAT!!
wth!! i dun ok!!
ok well if i look like a MAT
im an EDUCATED MAT OK!!
muahahahahahaha

my bro pak an had to go home coz he gt werk tmr morn
i could oni spend time wif him so short can!! not enuf!! =(
so me nas zaid went to have dinner at simpang bedok
ate n tok
all of us didnt noe whr to go next so we headed home
i went over to zaid's hse for awhile jus to chill
tok abt d past mostly
hahaha dunno y
i jus miss the happy past last time
nice to tok abt it =)
i miss everyone so much!!

im relli worried abt sum things
all i can do is to hope for the best =)

2008-01-29T21:41:00.000+08:00

HALO HALO DESERT
WE ATE SO MESSY CAN!!MUAHAHAHAHA
SHE WAS SO DELIGHTED WIF THE DESERT BUT........
WE DIDNT LIKE IT AT ALL!! D PIC SAES IT ALL!! BLEAHX

so anywae yest went out wif my sis n cuz aft sch

met dem n went off to clarke quay to gt my uniform!!

yay!! im startting werk tmr!!

but sadly it was a wasted trip coz my manager had went off

so sorry =)

so headed dwn to orchard to go to my cuz werkplc to gt her pay

went to aigner boutique

i tell u i relli badly wan the perfume!!

smells so nice can!! i dun care my 1st pay im gg gt me 1 of those!!

muahahahaha! n noone shall stop me!!

went to eat at lucky plaza

ayam penyet!! its nice ah but i tell u the chili padi is so PEDAS(HOT)!!!

i wanna die sia eating that

u shld haf seen my expression

apparently my sis n cuz find my expression fascinating!!

den headed to eat desert called HALO-HALO

a highly popular filipino desert9apparently)

hahahaha

u can c d pics above to c wht its nice to me or nt?? hahahahas

so all of us headed home aft tt coz it was pretty late

we all had fun didnt we?? =)

ok fine!!

im tryin my best to jus forget about it!!

relli i am

im tryin my best to be happy again

relli am

but y izzt so hard to let it go??

i wont sae that i've let the past go

im still holding on to the fragment of it

its not ez ok

having failed my o lvl twice is a blow!!

i wan to forget abt it n move on

but i feel that i've failed myself =(

but this is not me!!

never was it!!

there's gg be a new begining of my life

im hoping for that

so i gotta believe in myself n jus be happy =)

dun worri guys i will soon i hope

2008-01-26T14:27:00.000+08:00

few days ago
i received my 2nd o lvl results
it was horrifying
i did badly haix
wen i logged on my account to check my results
pooof!! d results were slapped onto my face!!
haix
but i didnt cry at all
that was a surprise =)

my mood was ruined that day i had to go sumwhr
wen to take bus 59 n stopped at braddel
i haf no idea y i go der
i jus had to go sumwhr
i was alone suppose to mit my fren but wasnt able to contact him
so msg my bro pak an coz i jus nid company
so met him n ct at toa payoh
jus hang out forawhile talked to dem
i noe dey are tryin deir to cheer me up
im so sorry that i wasnt in da mood
thanxs for the company guys!! luv ya!!

den went on to meet my pri sch best fren Zaid
he took off time jus to mit me!! thnxs bro!!
met him up at simpang bedok to haf dinner
tok all d wae frm 7+ till 11+
long huh hahaha i haven met him so ages lar!!
miss him so much can!!
tok to him abt a lot of stuffs
all abt d positive stuffs of course
he told me that its no use being down
all he said makes sense
thnxs bro!! relli appreciate all the help u've given me
shortl aft my my fren hermi met up wif us den move on to my hse
slpover dere!! so fun can!! we chatted till morn den at last around 5am
all of us slpt!!
muahahahaha in d end all of us woke up at 12+
but it was fun!! i had fun!!

tt dae itself went to mit my sis to accompany her to gt sum stuffs
den i met up wif my besties aft that
met up wif dem at simpang bedok again
ate dere together chatted
well i miss all that!! i miss them so bloody damn much can!!
all of us had fun!!
bt i noe that deep down inside im trying my best to be happy
i told u guys im fine im tryin too
der's nthy to worry abt
THE HAMDAN THAT U GUYS NOE IS SUMONE THAT DOESNT GIVES UP EASILY
HE WILL PULL THROUGH!!
HE WILL STAND UP TALL AGAIN!!
DUN WORRY ALRITE GUYS??

LUV U GUYS SO MUCH!!

PS: sorry to evryone who msg me on that dae askin me abt my results
i wasnt in da mood!! so sorry!! =)

2008-01-23T23:23:00.001+08:00

i recently got the news frm my fren that they have switched off the life support today
my fren, Kenrick has moved on today
a great frm of mine has moved to betta plc above
may he rest in peace
i will awaes rmb u in my heart my fren =)

went to sch in d morn
wasnt relli in da mood
me ct n pak an was wearing jeans
we rched early n d tcher hasnt arrived yet
so i went to d toilet
wen i gt back i saw ct n pak an outside
dey told me dey kanna chased out of class coz dey wearing jeans
dere's dis strict rule of not being able to wear jeans to sch by the NEW PRINCIPAL!!
i hate whoever is the principal!!
make our lives miserable!!
so dey werent able to enter but i could coz she didnt c me
hahahaha sori guys u guys were jus unlucky i guess =) bleahx
aft sch went home straight coz not in da mood to go out
short dae in sch

o lvl results is released tmr at 2pm
im afraid reli afraid of the results ill c online
i dun wan to breakdown n cry like last yr
i dun wan to suffer in sadness all over again
it wasnt ez in the 1st time wen i failed my o lvl to overcome my failure even though i still have not yet recover frm last yr tragedy
haix
i jus hope for the best tmr =)
in d 1st plc i didnt wan to go to sch but i guess i shld jus go to pass time
i noe i wouldnt b able to concentrate in class
oh wells wish me gd luck guys!!

2008-01-22T22:13:00.000+08:00

STRESSED

I've been VERY stressed out for the past weeks
and now i gt pimple break out damn it!! i look horrible
O level will be out on the 24 Jan 2008
gd luck to everyone!!

2 days ago i received a bad news frm my fren
my fren,Kenrick had a brain infection n shortly aft experiencing brain dead
it was totalli unxpected i was relli shocked i was sad :(
a fren of mine left me
i couldnt believe it it happen to him
just last year i col him out for badminton but he couldnt make it coz it was his exams week
n i didnt xpect tt was d last time i actualli tok to him
i still cant believe it

today went to tan tock seng hospital to c him before dey switched off the life support
dere we a lot of of his frens who turn up
i thank all of them for being der =)
went in ICU to c him
tok to him but honestly speakin i haf no idea wd to sae
i was speechless for the 1st time
i couldnt possible breakdown infront of the father
i had to hold it back telling myself not to cry
he was my junior my fren that is a part of my life now
n to c him in that state relli hurts me =(
i almost couldnt take it but i had to put up a front
i still couldnt believe it
went off frm dere aft being there for 3 hours
but a part of me wanted to wait dere but i had to go off frm der lest i gt emotional

so i didnt wan to think abt it so much
went out to haf lunch wif hermi n sharifah at novena velocity
AT LAST I WENT THERE!!
it was my 1st time dere
it was big but apparently its like the same as otha malls
BORING!!
so ate dere and den head on to woodlands to mit up wif sharifah's AFRICAN fren, jeff
he's a soccer player in GOMBAK united in SINGAPORE football
hahaha i met him he's frenly
sent him all d wae to jurong for his match at jurong stadium
den me n sharifah went back to woodlands to go republic polytechnic
my 1st time dere too hahahahaha
i nid to put my mind off things of wd happened jus now so roam singapore
republic poly is huge a new sch
but it was basically quite empty
waited to mit up wif hafizah aziz suppose to mit kam ho
but apparently sumthing happen or wd i dunno
he nvr answered my calls n msgs
he betta haf a logical gd explanation next time i c him!!!
den wen to eat at causeway point at kfc coz hafizah was apparently dying frm hunger
shortly aft tt didnt noe whr to head on den went dwn to buy munchy donuts
yummy!! luv luv it so much can!! i gt d pics lazy upload now
took bus 168 to tamp n slack unda d blk enjoyin our donuts!!
we all headed hm coz it was apparently late aldy

i jus recently gotten d news that they haven switch off the life support
it will b extended till tmr
im relli hoping for a miracle here ill pray hard for him
n i hope everyone pray hard for him pls
kenrick be strong there's a lot of ppl around u who love u very much
so be strong fight it!! i noe u can do it!!

2008-01-16T16:02:00.000+08:00

gosh i jus realised that its been a week since i last blogged
well been pretending that everything is fine been pretending to be happy over n over again
coz if i dn pretend to b strong it wont be okay
ppl around me whom i care so much needs me
dey cant c me nt strong dey cant c me collapse
if nt dey cant lean on me dey cant rely on me to b der for dem if i dun pretend to be strong
i dun mind relli dey nid me more den i nid myself right now =)

recently i jus received an email my MOE regarding o lvl
d letter states my password for me to gt my o lvl results online
the moment i saw that letter my heartbeat was beating faster n faster
i was feeling scared i was afraid
i was so fucking afraid that ill fail
as soon i gt d letter negative thots came to me
telling me that ill fail my o lvl AGAIN
i kip telling myself that im a failure!!
i kip telling myself that it is not possible for me to pass my o lvl!!
haix my dae was ruined wen i saw that letter!!

im leading a pathetic life man
everyday kept thinking of the past
y in d world am i thinkin of it??
cant i jus forget abt it pls??
i relli wan too =)
i noe im trying but its not happening!!
im criously fucking fed up of myself for being this way!!!
arggggggggg!!! FUCK!!!

a few days ago i took my basic theory test
I PASSED!! WHEEEEE
now waiting to learn how to drive and pass my final theory test!!
muahahahahaha hopefully i cn gt my liscence by this year!!!!

i miss my besties so much lar
haven seen them for like so long!!
i dunno wen will that be
everyone seems bz n i am too
if i start working aldy ill b more bz can!!
we gotta mit up fast!!!

O LVL results is going to be released soon
dunno wen sum sae 24 or 25 or 28 of january
sumhow i got a gut feeling that ill fail again
y cant i jus for once believe in myself ah??
izzt so hard to believe in urself??
tell me ppl pls tell me y??
haix

IM AFRAID =(

2008-01-07T00:18:00.000+08:00

2007 was a sucky year for me
ok well it was a fucked up year!!
because i was unhappy most of the time
bad events happened to me and i was SAD

in d begining of the year of 2007
i failed one of the most important exams in the world
i failed my o level
up till now i still couldnt forgave myself
i disappointed my parents/frens n more importantly i disappointed myself
im a failure wd cn i sae
i still couldnt forget the dae i gt my results
it kips flashing back in my mind
i brokedown i brokedown into million pieces
that cannot be mended no matter hw hard i tried too
i wan to mend i relli wan too but u guys wont undastand ever y i cant
its nt i dun wan but its jus not possible rite now im sorry but its true
ever since that day on i knew that i could NEVER ever held myself high
i could NEVER ever believe in myself anymore
its sad that i became sumone without belief in himself
sumone that utterly disappoints everyone disappoints himself even more
he wasnt a person without belief
he was a person with the most belief in himself
he could achieve anything he put all his souls n confidence together
i miss that person n im sure everyone does
all i can hope now is the real HAMDAN returns soon

next thing happens would be that i wasnt able to enter any polytechnic at all
coz sumone who failed maths n science d 2 major subjs
i jus cant go anywhere at all!!
i applied to all most every poly but still i couldnt enter any of it
i was hoping wif all my heart at least let me enter any poly but to my despair i didnt
that made my self esteem even lower
telling me that wow im such a failure not even a single polytechnic wans me
sad relli
i had to do wd i had to do
enter ITE that was my backup plan if i nvr ever be able to enter poly
i entered ITE simei majoring in accounting
a course that i hate but im good at it
wd more cn i ask rite
i had to enter it at least betta den going to the army 1st rite
my last resort i didnt noe wd to expect from it relli
i was scared cumin to a new school a new environment new people
i was afraid afraid that i wouldnt like it there i wouldnt make any frens dere
BUT it all proved wrong it did it did
ITE was not bad at all i mus sae
fuck all the people who sae ITE no good
it is great okay!!
i met awesome frens awesome tchers/lecturers
that made me inseparable from them
i jus luv cumin to school n u noe y
bcoz of my frens bcoz of my classmates
dey make me feel like home
we awaes spent time together most of the time
awaes dere for me wen i needed them d most wen my besties are bz
whenever im with dem i feel safe i njoy deir company in fact i dun mind being wif them everyday
I RELLI LUV THEM!! i relli do
we are like family =)
entering ITE was i mus sae one of the best thing i ever did in my life
i didnt regret it all NEVER ever did i regret it
maybe failing my o level was a blessing?? i dunno maybe who noes

but of course in ITE i still do haf my downs
especially in my results
recently my 1st semester results wasnt that satisfying to me n u noe y
i oni gt a pathetic 3.3 GPA
to ppl its considered great aldy but i noe that i took the whole exams without any belief in myself no confidence at all
den i was thinking if i were to haf my confidence back while takin the exams
will i do betta?? i noe i can
but sadly i dun i was fucking fed up wif myself i badly wan to do well in my studies in ITE
but its jus not happening
what's wrong wif me man??
haix

2007 i told my besties abt my problems AT LAST!!
been keeping it from them for years n i finally burst it out but its not EVERYTHING
been wanting too but i jus didnt haf the heart to say it
its not ez ok its hurtful it relli is
i cried infront of them which i so hate myself for that
i didnt wan them to see my worst state but it happened
im sorry guys im relli sorry u guys had to c me in that state
but it was relli my most important nite ever
u guys were dere for me telling me its gonna b okay
its gonna be okay
i was very touched wen u guys said that
giving me assurance that it relli is gonna b okay
wen i cant giv myself assurance ever
those words were important to me
n i thank u guys for that!!
I LUV U GUYS TO BITS!! I RELLI DO
i was so scared that we wont be able to be like together like last time
but i no longer haf to be afraid coz we still be able to be together even though we're all in different school leading separate lives having new frens
i noe that we will awaes be together as one whole foreva =)
but still deep down inside im still afraid that im gonna lose u guys one day
i jus hope it wont happen ever!! i relli hope so

2007 i retook my o lvl the 2nd time
i was apparently dissatisfied wif my performance the 1st time
n i retook it to prove that im not a failure
but i noe that deep down inside i was afraid to retake it coz i dun wan to fail again
if that were to happen not oni will i fall flat to the ground
i will blame myself ever i will never ever haf the heart to forgive myself
i will never ever be able to stand up straight again
i was afraid of that
sumore i had no confidence in me to do it again the second time
but i had to try i had to prove myself wrong
it was extremely difficult for me to do it again
i forgotten most of wd i had learnt last time but i had my frens to help me along the way
thanks to those who helped me =)
i jus hope it was enough
o lvl was over n i jus haf to wait for the results to noe wht am i failure or not??
the results is cumin soon real soon
im scared i relli am scared
haix oh wells

Zaid my best fren since pri school
he was dere for me wen i needed him
lending me his ears
gosh i miss him so much can!!
shooting him wif negativity he wasnt fed up at all
all he did was to shoot me back wif positivity
all he had was positive n more positive
it does make sense
thanks for everything Zaid
i relli appreciate it
LUV u bro!!
ill do my best to be the HAMDAN that u knew
a person wif grace n reigning in confidence =)
ill read the books i will

i guess 2007 was a rollercoaster ride for me huh
ups n downs gosh exciting isnt it??haha lol
im tryin my best to forget the past
i relli am
its not ez especially it change my perception of life n it made me wd i am today
i hate to cry every nite for the SAME DAMN THING over n over again!!
but i had too im nt sure wht after crying my heart out will i feel betta
mayb it does a lil im nt sure
im not ashamed of it however
crying my heart out may jus work
i dunno we'll c it sure make my eyes swollen hahahaha

and now came 2008
a year i hope i wld be able to b a more happy person than i was back in 2007
a person that all my frens c me as last time or even betta
i hope its gonna b a betta year for me
i hope its gonna b a betta year for everyone too =)
many loves ppl
HAMDAN loves u guys so much!!
PS:IF U GUYS NID ANYTHING DUN HESITATE TO CUM TO ME ILL AWAES BE DERE FOR U GUYS NO MATTER WD
I HOPE U GUYS NO THAT!!
TAKE CARE EVERYONE =)

BECAUSE OF YOU
I AM AFRAID I AM AFRAID
BECAUSE OF YOU
I CRY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NITE FOR THE SAME DAMN THING!!
BECAUSE OF YOU IM AFRAID =(

2008-01-04T00:26:00.000+08:00

Woah!!!
I've realised that i haven been updating my blog
lazy lar lols n bsides im not in da mood =(

so a quick update

christmas was quite dull relli
d whole group wasnt present although i badly wan dem to b
so instead celebrated it wif fiz,mer,sew,pak an,ct
all of us went to eat at simpang bedok
ok lar a peaceful talkative dinner i guess
pak an n ct went home early as ct could not b home tt late
aft that all of us went to FOO house to meet up wif the rest of the cliques
so nice to c evryone lar took pics but had to go off early wif fizah coz i cnt stay up tt late
damn!! couldnt countdown to christmas wif evryone!! damn pissed!! oh wells

went on a holidays to genting wif my family n relatives
it was ok lar quite fun i guess
i oni hate d part in going to genting n cumin back to singapore
u noe y coz we had to take a freaking bus lar with no TOILET!!
ahhhhhhh!! oh well at least its over now im safely back in singapore!!muahahaha
went shopping watchin movie played bowling n pool
i beat my highest score in bowling wif 165!! yessar!! i jus gt betta n betta!!
overall i mus sae it quite njoyable despite all d whining n stuffs!!
hahahahahahaha

new year itself was OKAY lar
as usual d whole group couldnt make it for sum apparent reason n i dun wish to say
met up wif fiz,sew,mer,farhan(sew's scandal)
went to eat at bedok corner den move on to meetin my family n relatives n lau pa sat
but didnt coz d rest wanna go clarke quay so had to cancel meeting dem
i aldy told my dad n sis abt not meeting dem n dey were pissed at me for no apparent reason
hello!! i dun gt it y pissed wif me !!cheesh!! wadeva!!
it totalli spoiled my mood for d whole nite!! arggggg
went to c d fireworks!! it was nice i guess
straight aft d fireworks all of us went home coz we were dead tired!!
i tell u d MRT was completely empty lar!! hahahas surprised realli!!
reach home at almost 2 n i was alone at home went to bed straight!!

my new year resolution are as follows:
1) to obtain an average of 3.7-4.0 GPA (if i were to stay in ITE)
2) to jus be Happy for once
3) all problems to be solved once and for all
4) to obtain my driving liscence
der's more but im jus plain lazy to type it lar

I've been tokin to bestie Zaid for a few days
he's been a great help to me
n i jus luv him
me shooting wif negativity at him n on his part he will shoot me back wif positivity
thnxs bro!!

i relli am tryin my best to forget my past but its not ez
im tryin though
i jus hate myself for being dis way!!
i wanna be happy i wanna believe in myself again!!
oh god!! help me believe in me

Sch reopening soon
im looking forward in meeting my classmates at last!!!
miss them so much lar!!
hahahas

tryin my best to regain back d confidence i lost
relli hope it'll be back to me one day
haix
my frens told me that i should open up to dem
yeah maybe i should
i c hw

2007-12-22T23:22:00.000+08:00

Be Strong Be Strong

That is what i have been telling myself to be
be strong hamdan
be strong for yourself
but i cant i relli cant
i jus dunno y
I've completely lost it guys
i tot i could do what i could to be strong
but its jus not possible
not only its hurting me terribly its stop me from tryin to be happy
for once i wanna smile without hurting myself and pretending to smile
WHY CANT I JUS BE HAPPY??

I kip telling myself not to cry
but i cant help it
everytime wen im alone in the middle of the night in my room listening to kelly clarkson 'Because of you'
it simply reminded me of my past
its a meaningful song and it totally describes my life
im a very emotional person
i would breakdown with tears automatically
gosh im emabarassed
a guy crying wat a disgrace
but i dun care doesnt mean ur a guy u cant cry
we're afterall jus humans u noe
oh wells
MY LIFE IS PATHETIC

Im giving up
i cant believe it im actualli GIVING UP
after so long of perseverance im actualli giving up
am i?? shld i??
i cant do it anymore guys i reli cant
its draining me hard
i dun wan to suffer all my life u noe
but is giving up for the time being the solution??
i dunno but all i noe that mayb its for the best(confused)
I nid to tok to sumone now before i relli do giv up
haix

SICK

i was sick for 4 days and still am
having the FLU which comprises of fever sorethroat cough and flu like duh
gosh im awaes getting sick
and i noe y
just yest me n my besties went to slpover at fizah's hse
dere were me,der,dan,fiz,cher,ner,sew,mer
yeap 8 of us
MOVIE MARATHON TIME!!
we watch the SHUTTER!! gosh its the all time horror movie to watch!!
hahaha its scary
everyone was basically screaming n shouting lar that nite
hahaha it was hilarious!!
wanted to watch another horror movie but fizah didnt wan it so its ok
d nite ended being everyone slping except me n sew
hahahaha dey jus too tired bah
d nite was short but i njoyed every min of it
luv spending time wif my besties so much!!
dey awaes brightens up my life =)
love u guys lots!!

dan i noe that ur unhappy
i undastand wd ur feeling rite now
but dun despair dun giv up
i noe u can do it
dis is oni d 1st semester
im sure u cn do betta in d next semester
buck up aite concentrate more on ur studies rite now
im proud that u actualli tok to us telling wds bothering u
it does feel betta isnt it
dun haf to worry wht u broke down or wd i dun care abt that
i relli hope ur alrite dan
im awaes here if u nid me =)
jus treat dis as a lesson learnt
everything gonna b alrite
trust me =)
love u man!!
cant wait to mit u guys again dis coming christmas eve!!

2007-12-19T05:15:00.000+08:00

WORST MAKEOVER EVER IN HISTORY OF MAKEOVER!!!!!

2 daes ago went out wif my besties cher fiz der
went to haf our FREE makeover at bugis
hahahaha we gt it so wd d heck dun go like wasted rite
the ppl dere giv attitude can
i tell u d make up SUX!!
the hairdo SUX!!
the pic SUX to the core sia!!
JEAN YIP MAKEOVER SUX!!
DUN EVER GO THERE FOR MAKEOVER!!
TRUST ME PPL!!
so aft the disastrous makeover we went to haf dinner at MAC
my hair looks horrible can!!
hahahahaha i actualli went out wif a SUCKY hair at bugis!! great!! der goes my reputation =(
went around to bugis street to find der sweatshirt but no size for him saded
aft that headed dwn to tm to walk around
i was suppose to go cut hair but changed my mind
fizah had to go off early
so me der cher went to slack at starbucks and tok lo
shortly dan came n join us
it was pretty late by den so i had to go off before i miss my last bus
but yeah it was great to hang out wif dem =)
many misses!!

the next day
met up wif my bro hermi AT LAST!!
we played badminton for like 2 hrs i was late for 15 mins SORRY
aft that we headed home coz i miting my fren at 3 n 4 to watch movie but he dun wan
so met up wif him later aft d movie
met up wif derran again to pei him find his sweatshirt at fareast plaza
walk around no nice sweatshirts sia!! -.-
wanted to go sumwhr else go find but i had to go mit my fren farhan n siti liao to watch movie
so he sent me off n went to GREAT WORLD CITY!!
it was my 1ST time ever sia!! muahahaha
i noe i noe im a SINGAPORE NOOB!!
we watch ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS!!
its a veri nice show!! i wld recommend ppl to watch it can!!
they are so CUTE!!
muahahaha
d show ended around 630 so met up wif bro hermi and went to hav dinner at NEW HAWA RESTAURANT
i ate mee goreng it was damn spicy!!
nw im havin stomach ache!! dang it!!
played pool aft that at parklane
it was fun!! played for 2 hrs i guess
it was late for farhan and siti so dey went home first
so me n hermi slacked at ps MAC
drank n ate n tok
shortly aft my sis came
headed home at 12 took bus 65
rch home nearly 1
hermi slpover my hse
tok n tok
he repaired my comp internet connection and speakers
now its working!! yayness!! thnxs bro!!
now im watchin a movie and he's takin a short nap
he has a long dae ahead ltr
gg wake him up at 7am
im all alone blogging noone is online saded =(
i think aft sending off hermi off im gg slp =)

2007-12-16T22:44:00.000+08:00

Yest was the last day of registering CAT
i did not register it
oh wells i relli hope i make the right decision =)
i relli hope so

on fri met up wif my besties
dere were oni me fizah cher,ner,sew
went to clarke quay
met up wif bestie daniel(he was werkin)
gosh its been a long time since i saw him can!!
many misses!!

we slack at ljs to haf our dinner
den went on to starbucks to chill and wait for daniel to finis werk =)
it was fun to be wif everyone again
many loves =)

we gona haf slpover soon!!
cant wait for that!!

2007-12-14T00:54:00.000+08:00

SAD/EMO

nowadays i've been very quiet in sch
izzt so wrong to be quiet meh??
its nt tt i wan to be
its jus that too many things in my mind right now
its the SAME DAMN THING!!!
haix

sch hols hAv arrived!!
muahahahahaha at last!!
no nid wake up early anymore!! YESSAR!!

so yest on thurs
went to play badminton wif pak an siti amin wei rong naziran
sum ppl were to cum as well but dey nvr did
oh wells
played for 2 hours
den head for KFC for lunch
all of us dunno whr to go aft that so decided to go VIVO
bsides pak an gg to werk
aft sending pak an to werk
all of us went walking around lo
went in toysrus hahahaha
got a lot of pics taken well not relli a lot lar
ill upload it next time
den went to eat at BEN & JERRY
that was my first ever BEN & JERRY i/c
hahahahaha
all of us headed home lo coz it was pretty late liao
and evryone was tired aldy

TOMORROW MEETING MY BESTIES!!!
YESSAR!! CANT WAIT!!!
MUAHAHAHAHAHA

I THINK IM GONNA FLUNK MY MPS CA!!
HAIX

2007-12-06T20:00:00.000+08:00

The queue was damn long can!! we were at d back!!
It get shorter and shorter by the minute

The receipt
End result?? Me & pak an got our drinks!! Caramel frapucino & Ice blended chocolate chip!!
Sew and Me

it was raining since morn
gosh i hate rainy days
reminds me of sumthing sad =(
haix
anywae 2dae sch as per normal
suppose to do BCM roleplay at 9am but amin was late
so reschedule it to 12pm
hahahaha
ROLEPLAY was STUPID realli
hahahaha
but it was a job well done to d group!!
its OVER guys!! we can haf a breather
the script we like finis it in 2 days lar
and amazingly d tcher sae d content is VGOOD!!
muahahaha arent we great or are we great?!?!
but sad to say we wsnt d best dis time
we didnt haf much time to prepare for the roleplay tts y
nvrmind at least we did what we can!!
KUDOS GUYS!!

aft roleplay went to eat at simpang
den head back to sch for our elective
sian so lazy to go back but oh well jus go lo
it ended early n i didnt wan to go back too early so head down to tamp wif pak an & siti
walked around tm to window shop to kill time until siti's mum rch der
siti went off wif d mum
me n pak an went to walk around TM & CS again coz we criously haf no idea whr to go
suddenly we saw dese long queue outside STARBUCKS!!
i tot wd sia den pak an recalled that dey were giving free drinks as christmas was nearing
at first we didnt wan to queue up but aft much persuasion by pak an i queued up wif him
omg!! i tell u dis is d first time i actualli queued up to gt sumthing for free!!
crious!! i've never done this b4
this is so typical kiasu SINGAPOREAN can!!
all thanxs to PAK AN!!
MUAHAHAHAHAHA
oh well but i did haf fun!!
in total we queued up for abt 30 mins!! wow!!

and it jus brightens up my dae wen i met up wif bestie sew
hahahaha
many hugs!!
nice to c u again!!
she was wif her atractive frens
the guy she said was d most handsome guy in the class that cn make it
n yeah its true
he was!! he look arabic i think mix bahz
hahahahaha

head home coz it was already late
muahahahahaha

y mus it rain nowadays??????
haix =(

2007-12-05T21:29:00.000+08:00

u noe wd guys?!?!

Im not takin the CAT examination liao
apart of me want to take it but apart me dun
coz im scared that i CANT COPE and afraid that ill giv up halfaway

oh well
my decision wasnt ez to make
i tok to alot of ppl relli
my besties helped me alot
thanxs cher der sew mer in meeting me to tok abt dis
appreciate it alot!!
d oni thing i hope is that i dun regret dis decision =(
it will daunt on me everydae
but i relli relli hope i make the right decision =)

YESSAR!!!

2007-12-02T20:19:00.000+08:00

Each dae passed
d wound became bigger and bigger
it hurts even more right now
i cant let go of the past
well not right now
even though my past hurts me so bad
y cant i jus let it go
forget it forget the past!!!!
fuck it !!!

sumtimes i jus wish to lose my memories
so i wont be able to remember how a HUGE failure i was in d past!!!
hahaha it wont happen

it relli pains me to pretend to be happy infront of my family and frens
and i dunno how long i can hold out much longer
im collapsing soon i noe i am
but der's nothing i can do abt it!!!
fucking it hate it!!!

im so STRESSED OUT!!
should i take the CAT!!
can i make it can i do it??
i retook my o lvl dis yr
but im nt sure wht i cn pass it
and now im maybe takin the CAT examination
but i haf no confidence in myself anymore to take it
afraid to disappoint my parents and myself even more
qns running thru my mind evrydae
what if i fail again?? can i do it??
i've fallen flat once badly n i dun wan it to happen again!!
NEVER!!
haix

i look in d mirror
wd i c is not sum1 who is happy
but sum1 who is very sAd
he wans to be happy but he jus cant anymore
sad isnt it??

Hamdan u jus haf to continue pretending to be happy to make it thru your life
thats the onli thing u can do rite now
FUCKING HATE MY LIFE RITE NOW!!

2007-12-02T19:58:00.001+08:00

The Bdae GURL

Naz,Hamdan,Siti,Farhan,Herman,Junjie,Yiwan

Sweet EH??

Cute isnt she??

WE ARE THE MRC!!DUN MESS WIF US!!

We were bored!!hahaha

Da Guys!!

Da 2 DOGS!! LOL

These were all taken yest nite on Siti 18 bdae!!
we all had fun!!! camwhoring!!! muahahahahaha

2007-12-02T18:39:00.000+08:00

gosh
tell me hw long i haven update my blog man
weeks man weeks i tell u
sian now i forget wd had happened
c lar all bcoz no internet access
haix

on d 21st nov
went to sch for 2 hrs den headed dwn to tm to watch 'enchanted'
inititalli supose to watch at ps but it was raining
so had to settle wacthin it at tm
but d bright side is that i gotta mit up wif my 3 besties daniel,cherlyn n randolph!!
gosh miss dem so much can!!
of course i went wif my 3 otha classmates lin en, qiuyue n pearl
d show was amazing it was funi romantic
hahaha us love d show can!! i dun mind watchin it again!!
d squirrle is so cute can!!
aft d show my 3 besties had to go off
so went to eat dinner wif my 3 classmates at kfc
it was fun coz we tok n tok alot can!!!
hahahaha
aft dinner all of us headed home coz d next dae gt sch at 8am
sian
oh well but d dae was so fun!! plus i gt to mit a lot of old frens i haven seen dem for so long lar
hahahaha so cool can!!!

on d 24th of nov
went to attend my fren's wedding
fidah yayness
at last able to c her aft so many yrs
gosh she looks so pretty can!!
muahahaha
den met up wif my fren tini
haven met up wif her for yrs too
i miss dem so bloody damn much can!!
met up wif dem for a shot while but we gona mit again in dec!! yayness cant wait!!

tt dae itself gt a call frm my dad sayin tt we gg go out to eat at bedok corner
i followed coz i got no otha plans tt dae
went to eat and head down to changi beach to chill
n i totalli haf no idea y we go dere in d 1st plc
i wanted to emo but nah my parents/cuz/aunt/uncle are all dere
so beta pretend that nothing happen
oh well

on d 25th
went to visit eunice n her baby boi darrien
gosh he so cute can!!
hahaha nice to c eunice again aft so many yrs can!!
went dere wif bestie daniel n shiying
we tok n tok took pics hahaha
nice to c dem again
a pity d whole grp wasnt present tt dae
haix miss everyone so much!!
evyrone bz wif deir own stuffs i guess
nvrmind we'll b miting in dec!! yayness cant wait for dis too!!

on d 30th recently
went to singapore poly to watch d mr/miss singapore poly
nothing to do wif me at all
but it was fun i guess
cute/prety babes n hot hunks
hahahaha
we were suppose to be seated at 530 but it dragged on until 7
hate to wait nowadays!!
i was suppose to sue d sch but oh well for derran's sake i betta not
hahahaha
d show ended around 930
waited for derran to finish his briefing and head down for supper
initialli wanted to wat at simpang bedok but due to not wanting to take a cab home
we den headed down to clementi for mac supper
hahaha we tok n tok
it was nice
rch home 12+ n i was too exahusted headed straight to bed
i gt a long dae ahead d next dae

on d 1st dec
my fren jus turned 18
d last person in d class to turn 18
hahahaha
happy 18th bdae SITI
we den went out to marina square to watch 'TATOOIST'
it was quite a nice show bah
disgusting yes!! scary no!!
this show teaches a lesson if u wan to haf a tatoo pls think twice b4 having 1
SO DUN EVER GET A TATOO NO MATTER WD!!
TRUST ME YOU'LL REGRET IT!!
so after d movie initialli wanted to play bowling but d it was damn full can
so had to do an alternative plan which is to eat
coz evryone was basically hungry aldy lar
so ate at SAKURA
total cost around $61 bucks!!
hahaha
went on to play pool for entertainment played for almost 2 hrs
den headed down to esplanade rooftop to celebrate bdae wif d bdae gurl
all of us took pics together n den ate d cake
all of us were eating d cake den u noe me
bdaes surely haf to haf sabo de mah
so no1 gonna start 1st so ill start it 1st
muahahahaha sori SITI
den all started wif d sabo
hahahaha
aft eating d cake its time for us to cam whore
ill post d pic next time aite
i haven upload it fmr my camera
we did a lot of funny n stupid posts can
hahahaha but it was fun isnt it guys??
i hope d bdae gurl njoyed herself tt nite
we went off at 1045 to catch d last train
al of us were so exhausted so me,herman,yiwan,jj sat down in d train
jj was basicall snoozing i jus sat dwn tok n tok
hahahaha
i board off 1st den herman den yiwan n jj
it was overall a fun dae for all of us!!
SITI hope u like d pressie i bgt it for u n hope u njoyed d dae wif us =)
we all love u loads!!
ur 18 now anything u can jus tok to me aite
ill awaes b here for ya =) tk cr beb!!

2007-11-18T12:11:00.000+08:00

a few days ago
i made a EXTREMELY BAD MOVE
i regretted so much lar
which i dun wan to elaborate more on it

IM RELLI AM DEEPLY SORI BRO
I DIDNT MEAN IT!!
RELLI I DIDNT
i didnt noe u would be so pissed
i didnt noe u cared so much abt me
it was jus a play play thing
i will nvr ever do it again bro
i wont

u mean alot to me bro
i hope u noe that
i will nvr ever do anything to jeopardise our frenship
we are bros arent we??
luv u bro!!

2007-11-12T13:23:00.000+08:00

weekends....

on sat met up wif bros andrew n wei liang
they accompany me to attend my cuz wedding
so sorri it took so long which resulted in less time for us to njoy the dae together
took bus 12 frm bugis omg i tell u im nt gg take 12 to pasir ris anymore
c lar andrew dun wan listen its too long journey
hate long journey lar!! muahahaha
but nvrmind we tok alot in d bus so that kinda make it up for it
played pool for almost 2 hrs n both andrew n wei liang had to go off
wth!!! we spent less time together on tt dae!! damn it lar!!
so col bestie derran but he was aslp
col sis fizah to ask her wht she's free to haf dinner wif me
she was sick so i decided to pay her a visit n buy for her dinner
we tok n tok n watch d cd 'secret'
i haven watch it yet so wad d heck jus watch it
i couldnt finish watchin coz it was so late aldy n i had to go off before i miss my last bus
it was ok lar not bad
but i had fun wif ma sis
rest well aite n take ur med regularly
i oni wan u to b happy thats all that matters
so dun worri im awaes here for u if u nid me =)
im jus a beep n col away =)

sun met up wif derran n fizah
i was super sick but still went out jus to mit dem
i dun mind
i mish dem so much can!!
so hard to mit coz dey're bz wif sch n werk
its awaes nice to tok to dem
especially wen all of us walk down memory lane again
gosh its a nice feeling
all of us miss sec 2 life n sec so much
all of us chg its relli a big difference
all of us matured yeah
hahahaha
miss it all can!!
both of dem tok abt life
but i didnt
i dun think its necessary anywae
its jus d stupid damn thing again
so no use sayin it anymore
its in d past
but i still cnt let go of d past!!
haix
oh well nvrmind im tryin my best ppl i am
had to stop d fun coz fizah haf to go off
went home tt nite
den i was super duper sick lar
cldnt slp d whole nite
woke up constantly in d middle of d nite
hate it so much wen im sick!!!
not enuf slp i cnt go out i cnt go to sch n i cnt even sing lar!!!
now nvr go sch 2dae!! damn!!
suppose to watch movie wif my classmates but cldnt
dunno wht dey chg d dae or not
sian
now rotting at home
i cant sing thats d worst part!!!
feel drowsy aft eating my medicines
gonna slp liao!!
ciaoz!!

gosh i still haf to study for my mps Ca
sian
im stressed out again
it will never end
sobx sobx sobx sobx .......................................

MANY LOVES TO MY BESTIES N BROS SIS!!
WE MUS MIT UP SOON!!
MANY MISSES TOO!!

I MISS MY CLASSMATES ALDY!!
=(
ILL BE BACK AS SOON AS I RECOVER FROM MY SICKNESS!!

2007-11-08T23:15:00.000+08:00

YESSAR!!! O LEVEL HAS ENDED!!!

IM FREE IM FREE AT LAST!!
well not exactly
i still gt ite exams to study for
sian

i noe im suppose to be happy
coz o lvl is over
but im not
im still afraid
afraid ill fail again twice
haix
mayb i shld jus forget abt my o
dun care wht i do well or not
but nah i cant
i care abt evrything tt happened in my life
irregardless of anything
oh well

i mish my frens so much!!
nid to mit up wif dem quickly!!
sat miting up wif buddy/bro andrew n wei liang
yipee!! cnt wait lar
many misses to dem!!
many loves to dem!!
jus 3 of us having fun 2gther!!
muahahahahahahaha

SHOULD I CONTINUE PUTTING A HAPPY FRONT?!?!
IT DOES HURTS SO BLODDY DAMN MUCH!!!!!
HAIX
ANYONE CAN CHEER ME UP?? MAKE ME HAPPY AGAIN??
IM SO SAD =(

2007-11-05T23:02:00.000+08:00

for d past weeks
ive been mugging hard for my o lvls
im nt sure whether ill do well in it
but oh well jus gotta c d results next year
tmr my last pp for d o lvl
yessar!!! at last sia!!
im drowning wif awfully large amount of stress
which resulted in more pimples on my faces!!
damn it i look horible!!

to make it worse
i gt 3 exams tmr
1 being my combined sci mcq pp
2nd being my accounting Ca
3rd being my MPS mock test
gosh! im so fucking stressed up lar
i wan to do well in all mayb thats y
oh well i jus gotta push myself to the limits!!
jia you hamdan!!!
u can do it de!!

nowadays my mood got a lil bit more cranky
not much patience anymore oso
awaes emo
fed up wif myself more!!
arggggg
wds wrong wif me man!?!?!
i jus wan o lvl to end n move on wif my life

i realised that i no longer am happy
never ever in d 1st plc
i wan to be happy
but how??
haix

my life is all a lie
i tried to be happy but in fact im not
im putting a happy front
ITS HARD PPL TO FORCE A SMILE!!
it hurts
im trying my best guys

dying in my miseries

2007-10-30T13:20:00.000+08:00

O lvl eng n maths paper had passed
oh gosh!!
i think i didnt do tt well
what d heck i think i failed
haix

relli not in da mood
sori to those who msg me n i didnt reply
i jus nided time alone to recompose myself that's all
dun worri i wont do anything stupid =)
at least i hope i dun

dying in my miseries

2007-10-25T02:00:00.000+08:00

yest sat for my chemistry paper
it was awfully dreadful
i cnt do most of the qns
i almost GAVE UP!!!!
so much for my crash study
haix not much information gt into my head
sat in the examination hall,looked at d paper n evrything was blank!!
gosh!! y mus dis happen to me on my exams?!?!
i've FAILED!!
how to pass my combined science like this!!??!!

aft the stupid incredibly difficult exams
went to mit up wif ct at ps
i wasnt relli in d mood to go out
but had to put up a smile for her in order not to spoil d mood
its hard guys it relli is hard to FAKE a smile
its hard to be happy wen ur not!!
shortly after pak an rched
HE PASSED HIS BASIC THEORY TEST!!
yayness for him!! congrats bro!! c i told u can do it!!
went to eat at banquet n den played pool at parklane
i tell u it was relli my 1st time seeing d whole pool area completely EMPTY!!
i haf d pics ill upload it next time
its unbelivable lar
but i mean oh well anything is possible!!
played pool until 10
YESSAR!!
i won pak an again!!! muahahahahahahaha
sori bro =) bleahx
went home straight.....

now i relli in need a shoulder to cry on
coz im criously fuckin hate my life rite now
everything all messed up
n i think im gg fail my o lvl
coz im jus too stressed up!!!
i cnt make it again!!
haix

Zhaney hating his life by the sec .................
dyin in his miseries........................................

2007-10-19T23:47:00.000+08:00

LIFE

My whole life i've been thru its relli brings me down
it drains me wholly
to worry abt things that leaves me miserable
IM RELLI BLOODY DAMN TIRED N FED UP OF MY OWN STRUGGLES/FIGHTS/WORRIES/FEARS
but i had to summon all my courage to face it
i had to put up a bravefront infront of evryone so as not to appear that im actualli suffering
sumtimes i simply wish to b alone
that's hard n i hate being alone =(

I JUS WAN TO CRY MY HEART OUT
ANYONE CAN LEND ME THEIR SHOULDERS TO CRY ON??
hahahahas
dis is so ridiculous
oh well

dyin in my miseries............

2007-10-18T17:29:00.000+08:00

haix

been studyin hard for d past few days
still i think im not prepared for my o
n yeah 2dae proves it im nt

had my O level science practical
i screwed it
couldnt do anything at all
i almost gave up halfway
but i told myself i shld try n do it
i tried my best i think
but i think i flunk it
damn
ur so STUPID lar HAMDAN
how to pass ur o level
even d sci prac u cnt even do wd more ur theory paper
F**k lar!!!

Now feeling very down
i dunno wd to do anymore
all my frens sae its over dun think abt it
concentrate on d theory pp
yeap i noe
but i c hw my mood
criously feelin very low n disappointed

Im so bloody damn ashamed of myself
d real HAMDAN does not giv up easily
but now d HAMDAN jus giv up like that
that is not me
i noe thats not me
pls tell me its not me!!!!!
PLS
i relli nid my confidence back!!
i relli do
sobx sobx sobx sobx

Im In DEEP deep deep DEPRESSION

2007-10-11T01:51:00.000+08:00

SO F**KING STRESSED UP!!

O level
y in the world did i decide to retake it the second time
wen i noe myself that im incapable to do well d next time
mayb i was jus in DENIAL
mayb i jus couldnt take the fact that i failed it
REAL BAD
haix
wd's happenin to me?
y am i hating myself so much?
y am i torturing myself so much?

u noe wd??
i cn like advise ppl sayin that dey cn do it
but i myself dun relli advise myself that i can do it !!
mayb bcoz i belived in them dey relli can do it !!
BUT i noe that deep down inside of me i jus cant !!
i should noe myself
when i sae i relli cant do it i relli cant do it!!
as simple as that
IM RELLI DEEPLY SORI TO EVERYONE WHO EVER BELIEVED IN ME
i cant do it i cant make it!!!
IM AFRAID TO SAY THAT MAYB IM GIVING UP ON MYSELF!!
SORRY
SoBx SoBx SoBx SoBx SoBx

yest went out wif my bros/buddies/besties
andrew wei liang farhan
waited for pak an to finish werk

accompanied me to buy my jeans

den headed dwn to TONG SENG for breaking fast
went to buy sum otha stuffs
went on straight to pasir ris to play pool
pool is so fun can!!
i won pak an again by 4 wins to 3 wins =)
the whole day was perfect up to a point of time wen i EMOED
i was worried for my o's
tryin my best to put on a SMILE for them =)
i relli LUV dem loads can!!
thnxs for the awesome day we had together!!
cant wait for the next outing next month!!!

2007-10-09T20:07:00.000+08:00

everyday is like a nightmare for me
i dunno but i jus feel that my whole life right now is a disaster
nothing is in the perfect way that i wanted
my studies is in a mess
retakin my o lvl again was basically mayb the wrong move that i took
one simple move n i feel miserable
oh well i jus haf to make do wd im left wif now
frens its all i ever wish for
dey are my comfort zone
always dere for me wen i nid dem
family well its messed up
if oni everything ws back to the way it was last time
too much complications rite now
im basically in d middle of everything
i hate it so much!!
but i had to be dey nid me more den i nid myself now
NOTHING IS PERFECT IN THIS WORLD
but we will try to make it PERFECT

O level is jus around the corner
i haven finis revising all my 3 subjs that im retakin
n i have no time!!! not enuf time!!!
im SCARED im relli am SCARED
afraid that HISTORY GONNA REPEAT ITSELF
n ill fail my o lvl d second time in a row
gosh i relli wldnt wan that to happen AGAIN
i dun wan to CRY again!!!
i dun wan OK!!!
I hate being a FAILURE!!
I JUST HATE MYSELF SO F**KING MUCH!!!
sobx SOBX sobx SOBX sobx SOBX sobx SOBX sobx

2007-10-05T15:35:00.000+08:00

gotten my results 2 daes back
didnt slpt d whole nite lar
i ws so worried sick tt i didnt do well

my results are as follows:

Accounting A
Office Applications B
Business Fundamentals B
GPA 3.313

So lousy sia!!
i xpected to gt betta results den tt sia
F**k lar!!!
haish nvrmind i will do betta in time to come!!
gotta mug hard!!

now bz revisin my O
haish dunno cn do well or not sia
i relli hope so
been burning midnite oil
nt enuf slp my face looks horrible
pimples all cum out due to stress!!
arggggg

AM I RELLI HAPPY FOR ONCE??

2007-10-03T08:07:00.000+08:00

few days back
celebrated cherlyn's bdae at sakura buffet
gosh mish dem so much can!!
buffet so XX can!!
$25 jus gone like that
wow!! im officially broke liao
bgt her pressie oso n yeah i took cab go home
die die no $$$$ liao

aft takin pics n stuffs
we initially wanted to watch movie but dere were none
ZzZzZzZz -.-
so decided to slack unda d blk
n i ws kinda confronted by my besties
tok to dem n yeah im relli glad i did
i feel so much betta =)
i jus feel that im the most luckiest boi in d world
having amazing frens surroundin me who i luv dem deeply no matter wd
im so HAPPY can!!

i've been tryin to study for my o lvl
im nt sure hws my progression
but i hope im doin well
muggin hard for maths coz im so bloody damn weak in it lar
o lvl is jus round the corner n im nt prepared yet
gosh im dead!!
jia you Hamdan!!
u cn do it de!!
well at least i hope so

now tt im HAPPY i miss d EMO me
hahaha i dunno i jus miss d emo me
EMOBOI
sounds cool huh
i wanna EMO back uh
muahahahahaha

ahhhhh
i look FUGLY can!!
more pimples cumin out
mayb im jus too stressed n not enuf slp
arggg
gotta clear evrything b4 HARI RAYA!!!

i didnt slpt d whole nite yest
dunno y i jus cant slp lar
came back frm a small outing wif my ite mates
n aft tt i cnt slp
mayb im jus too xcited n worried for my results which im so impatiently waiting lar
9am leh cum out!!
so late!!
i gt like 30 mins to wait!!
hurry up lar
n a pity none of my ite mates are online
i guess dey bz slpin ZzZzZz
muahahahahahaha
hopefully i do well man!!

waiting impatiently

2007-09-25T08:45:00.000+08:00

i've realised sumthin
i was nvr happy EVER
well ya at a point of time dere is happiness in my life
but it ws shortlived
noone can b happy EVERYTIME
nothing is EVER perfect
cum to think of it
i relli miss d old me
i ws so happy n yeah der's awaes a smile on my face
a smile tt is not forced
i dun haf to force myself put a smile infront of my frens jus for the sake of it
i dun haf to put up a brave front in order for my frens not to worry abt me
i miss all that
well things haf changed ever since problems start brewing
problems that affected myself wholly
changed me for wd i am now
im fragile dunno y
but it jus tt im getting more emotional
mayb bcoz i've gone thru a lot in my life
i bcame like tt well i dunno
I've lost tremedously amount of weight can
well i do eat a lot n now i dun exercise anymore
but still i kip losing more weight
mayb bcoz problems affectin causes me to lose weight
i nid to put on more weight!!!

i haf very low self-esteem now
i jus cant like believe in myself easily anymore
ever since having failed my O level early dis yr
i've been telling myself how a failure i've been
its not easy to believe in myself again
d fire in me jus cnt b lit up anymore
its not tt i dun wan it to relit
but its simply cant!!!
i'm relli deeply sorry my frens
u guys believed in me so much
i'm afraid to disappoint u guys more
especially having disappointed my parents aldy
i jus dun wan history to repeat itself
i still jus dun gt it y u guys believed in me so much??
wen i myself dun think i can do it =(
damn it lar!!

2007-09-21T01:21:00.000+08:00

Ive been thinkin alot these few days
and i realised that i DEFINITELY WILL FAIL MY O AGAIN
I cant do my maths no matter hw hard i try i cant do it
science well im suppose to be not bad at it but i think ill nt b able to do well in it also
eng dun gt me started been few months i haven even done any compo at all
let alone writing a compo in 2 hrs in 1 of d most biggest exams of my life
im SCREWED
ILL FAIL AGAIN!!!
HaIx

PROUD

are my parents proud of me??
not even once they ever said it to me??
i noe that i've aldy failed dem as a son let alone doin well in my studies
they said its OK tt i didnt do well in my o
but i noe tt deep down inside dey felt disappointed in me i jus noe it
im SORRY u had to haf a son like me
a FAILURE IN EVRYTHING
MUS BE ASHAMED TO HAF A SON LIKE ME
I TRULY LUV U MY PARENTS N MY FAMILY!!

BESTIES

the problem btwn us back then happened to be solve well at least i think it did
wadeva we all been through 2gther i relli treasured evrythin so much
being the gd times n bad times it all happened for a reason
n yeah mayb that brought us more closer
well i think it brought u guys closer together nt me
i've awaes been d quiet one and low profile in d grp
I realised sumthin u guys dunno anything abt me at all
in a way i kinda glad but in a way i felt sad
d glad part is that u guys dunno wd's been bothering me n yeah lucky me
d sad part is that u guys didnt relli push to actualli ask me wd's wrong
im stubborn i wont tell my frens wds bothering me so push n ask until i sae it
but i haf to giv u guys credit u all cared abt me n i LUV u guys for that
mayb bcoz i LUV U GUYS SO BLOODY DAMN MUCH!!
i didnt wan u guys to worri abt me
i did wanted to tell u guys wds botherin me once
but d look on ur faces i jus didnt haf d heart to sae it
u guys were happy as it is i didnt want to spoil it =)
now all of us in different school leading separate lives wif new frens
we cant be 2gther as often like last time n i do MISS that a lot!!
i have FEAR but i shant say it hear
ill tell u guys soon
all i noe I LUV U GUYS SO MUCH let alone be separated by any of u EVER!!
so i relli hope our FRENSHIP will last FOREVA!!
LUV YA CAN!!
I RELLI NID U GUYS APPARENTLY NOW D MOST
SUMTHIN BAD'S GONNA HAPPEN
N IM NT SURE WHT I CAN HOLD OUT MUCH LONGER
PLS CUM TO MY RESCUE PLS
cant wait to mit u guys on d 27/9/07
take care u guys cya soon!!

ITE

its been a great 5 months in ITE
didnt ever REGRET going there
made AWESOME frens that i LUV
i think its relli a blessing in disguise
its worth it cumin to ITE =)
d frens i made jus makes it worthwhile to b in ITE
ITE aint bad people depends how u look at it
especially wen ur surrounded wif amazing frens nthy is ever BAD
now i oni hope that i can do well in my studies in ITE relli hope so
LUV YA CAN!!

im not relli in d mood to go out
apparently im goin out ltr
jus hope i wont kill d mood
ill try my best to put on a smile aite
cya ltr guys
miss u guys so much can!!

LUV ALL MY FRENS SO MUCH
CANT LIVE WITHOUT U GUYS
THANKS FOR EVERYTHIN
RELLI APPRECIATE IT ALOT!!

2007-09-15T00:19:00.000+08:00

i've been feelin rather useless
i jus cnt seem to do anything rite
dis 1 month of hols i jus cnt seem to force myself study
i noe im suppose to
but each time i tried to study i have d urge to giv up jus like that
i noe i shouldnt
i jus dun think i cld do well anymore
i've forgotten wd i have learn last time
its all a complete alien to me
everything tt suppose to be ez seems TOO difficult for me now
i dun undastand anything
I HAVE NO CONFIDENCE IN MYSELF ANYMORE!!!

Im so PATHETIC
MOVE ON that's wd ppl tell me to do
BELIEVE IN URSELF that's wd ppl tell me to do
YOU CAN DO IT that's wd ppl tell me to do
but dey jus dun gt it
i relli CANT DO IT!!!

IMAGINATIONS
it sumtimes cn relli run wild
i did thot of KILLING MYSELF back in d past
i did thot of try SMOKING back in d past
BUT I DID NOT
i dunno wd kept me gg
until now i still dunno

LIFE
well jus 1 word it SUX!!
its been hard on me
i noe i seem to jus smile
but behind dose smile a BOI is suffering
he cnt take it anymore
sumtimes he jus wan to let it all out
but cum to think of it doubt anyone wld undastand
n bsides he doesnt wan his frens to worry
so let it b

IM USELESS
IM A FAILURE
NO MATTER WD PPL SAE I STILL THINK I AM A FAILURE
HAIX

2007-09-12T00:44:00.000+08:00

I look MATISH MEH???

LAST PIC BEFORE ALL OF US WENT HOME

D GUYS ACTING CUTE!!!

MUAHAHAHAHA

THNXS SO MUCH GUYS!!

RELLI APPRECIATE IT LOTS!!!

LUV YA CAN!!!

2007-09-12T00:26:00.000+08:00

U NOE WD??
i had to wear my skinny jeans to skool ah
was FORCED to wear sia
muahahahaha but well i look gd in it so yeah its cool
went to mit my frens at bedok n d most bad thing happen
my fren dropped by calculator n its spoilt cannot use at all lar!!!
hahahahaha dere goes my calculator =(
nw im nervous!!
had to cab to skool coz we're super late aldy lar
luckily siti's fren lend me d calculator if nt i gt a hard time doin my afd exam sia!!!
overall d pp ws ok ah
I BALANCED BY BANK RECONCILIATION!!!!
MUAHAHAHAHA WHEEEE!!! YIPEEE!!! SO HAPPY LAR!!!!
farhan gt d same answer as me!! so proud of him can!! who teach u pak an?? ME LAR!!
c luckily u listen to me wen i teach u =)
jus hope its d correct answer =)

aft d exam had to rush home coz my younger sis is like alone at home
but my frens ask me to eat dinner wif dem
i didnt noe wd izzt abt ah
suddenly ask me out to dinner
sumore i nvr bring money sia!!
in d end i found out tt dey celebrating my bdae =)
im so HAPPY!!
i didnt tot dey wld celebrate ah coz my bdae is like over aldy lar
but im relli glad they did!!
i njoyed evry min of it!!
d saboing d cam whoring
jus luv it so much!!!

THNXS FARHAN SITI YVONNE FELICIA JUNJIE AMIN HERMAN NAZIRAN
FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART CRIOUSLY THANKS SO MUCH!!
APPRECIATE IT ALOT!!
LUV U GUYS TO BITS!!! N I DO MEAN IT =)

exams are over hols hav arrive
gosh im gg miss my ite frens so much can!!!
no worries we gg mit up once in a while during dis 1 month hols!!!
i dun care hor we mus mit up!!
but hor i nid to study for my o lvl exams aldy
haix 1 exams down n now i nid to b tortured again!!!
studyin like mad jus to pass my o lvls!!
im nt sure wht i cn make it =(
i relli hope so
haix

I JUS DUN WAN TO FAIL AGAIN!!!
IM SCARED =(

2007-09-11T12:08:00.000+08:00

2 daes ago on d 9TH SEPTEMBER 2007
I TURN 18!!
YeSsAr!!! at last im 18 babey!!!

1st wanna thank all those who wish me happy bdae namely:

my bro Nordin eddeham Pearl Siti Farhan Yvonne Merilyn Daniel Winner Sew Tin Derran Liyana Nazurah Fatin Hairul Afiq Amin Sheralyn Shiying My god sis Chinyi Fizah Fizah ITE Sharifah Aziza Zaid Nasri Andrew Sijie Shi Jun Ryan Lin En Jeslyn Qiuyue Sharifah Khalid Farid Zee My Sista Numerical Wei Rong Naziran Shan Piggies Wei Liang Ain Cassandra
Sumore i cnt rmb sori ah =)

THANKS SO MUCH RELLI
FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART
I APPRECIATE IT SO MUCH
LUV U GUYS!!!

On Mon had my BFD exam
gosh it ws ok ah
wd i learnt it came out!! but i couldnt possibly rmb evrythin rite
haix damn dunno cn gt A or not sia wadeva lar its over!!!!
went out to haf lunch wif MRC at MAC
pak an n ct gav me skinny jeans for my bdae!!! yipee
my 1st skinny jeans muahahahahaha
den we all dunno wd to do den all of us went home lo

Den i decided to go out again to study wif MRC
went all d wae whitesands
studied for 2 hrs den went to mit uo wif my besties der n fiz
tok wif dem gosh we awaes gt so many things to tok abt
a pity all of us had to leave early coz i nid to study for exams fiz gt werk
but oh well iim sure all of us njoyed each othas company a lot!!
LUV U GUYS!!

Dis yr my bdae celebration was unexpected relli
my besties celebrated my bdae in advanced due to unforseen circumstances
but i NJOYED IT nevertheless
THNXS U GUYS!!!
none of dem gav me pressie yet dey owe me hahahaha no worries!! =)
jus LUV U GUYS SO MUCH!!
I RELI HOPE ALL OF US WILL LAST TOGETHER FOREVA!!!

well i didnt had a celebration wif my ite frens
due to exams but oh well its ok
Still i LUV dem too!!
Gd luck u guys for exams!!
all of us will soar!!
QC RULEZ!!

2007-09-07T15:23:00.000+08:00

yoz!!
im gg b officially 18 in 2 days time!!
yayness!!
dis sat well suposely celebratin my bdae wif my ite frens
but under unforseen circumstances its cancelled
coz dey're all bz
so its ok no worries

ltr mitin pak an ct herman to study 2gther at bugis
muahahahahahaha

2007-09-04T14:09:00.001+08:00

last wk fri
it ws d celebration for tcher's day
so d whole of grp of besties went back to our sec skool
to visit our tchers and yeah go c d concert
suppose to mit up at 715am
as usual many were late (surely gt ppl late wan) hahahas
i wanted to take d pledge but we were late
so tt's cancelled muahahahahaa
still gt next time =)
its great to b in sec skool AGAIN!!
relli mish those sec skool days!!
haix
sec skool life are d best yrs ever can!!
relli luv it so much lar!!!
LUV MY FRENS A LOT!!

i mus tell u guys hor!!
the concert was BLOODY DAMN LIFELESS AND BORING LAR!!!!
my whole grp ciao very fast lar!!
cant take it aldy
relli canot make it lar!!
muahahahahaahahahha
met up wif tchers and all
wah!! relli miss dem so much lar
THANKS TO ALL TCHERS THAT HAVE TAUGHT ME DURING MY SECONDARY DAYS!!
RELLI APPRECIATE A LOT!! =)

aft all that excitement
all of us separated coz we duno whr to go le
in d end met up wif pak an n his fren n younger bro at tm
went to eat at mac
very fun can!! we tok n joke around n stuffs!! cool can!!
went to play pool at katong!! ct came to join us shortly
played for around 2 hrs + like tt ah
its relli fun to go out wif dem lar!!
went to parkway parade coz dini(pak an fren) want to eat
den dini n ainul went off
left me pak an n ct
we dunno go whr can!!
so ask dem along to mit up n eat wif my fren at simpang bedok lo
hahaha
fun can!!
its great to have dinner wif a grp of frens especially my besties n new ite frens!!
we tok n tok lo fun lar!!
soon all of us finish eating n pak an n ct had to go le
send dem to bustop den all of us went to my fren's werkplc to chill!!
all of us played board games n stuffs tok n tok
mish all that!!
my fren treated me drink
thnxs cher!!!
but d fun had to stop
coz i had to go le
haix so sad can!!!

d next day on sat
went to nadzirah bdae party at her hse
didnt wan to go coz my face looks horrible can!!!
in d end go lar
wait i nvr go ct nvr go n wen ct nvr go pak an kesian lak nanti
oh well go for deir sake lar n yeah its nadzirah bdae party!!!
we met up at bedok interchange
den i gt to noe that she lives near my hse lar
walao!!! waste my time go to bedok sia!!!
arggg hahahaha nvrmind
d party ws ok ah
wasnt relli in d party mood =(
too many things in my mind rite nw!!!
all of us went off b4 7 i guess
sum went home sum went outz

on sun
went to my kak sedara hse for kenduri arwah y datuk n nenek
had to wake up early in d morn to go sengkang!!
gosh im so damn sleep can!!!
ok lar quite nice to c evry1 again
but criously i ws bored to death lar aft all d prayers n evrything
coz basically dere's nthy to do
haix

mon was ok lar
mon blues as awaes
bt im looking forward to aft skool
coz miting my besties for my bdae celebration
actualli dey planned to make it on sat bt had to bring it forward coz 1 of dem had to go malaysia
i relli badly wanted to celebrate my bdae wif my besties n ite frens =(
but i did njoy it so much wif my besties
went to eat sakura at simei
dey treated me i think cost around $80+ bah
thnxs guys!!
bgt me a cake!! wah i jus luv bdaes so much!!
had to eat d cake using jus my mouth sia
ke lian wo leh
den tt derran saboed me lar
cake on my face now more pimples cum out sia!! saded
muahahahahahaha
aft tt sum of dem had to go off le saded!!
den sum of us went to chill at tamp
chilled at tm mac tok n tok n tok lar
hahaha mish all dose times =)
too bad d nite is not young for me coz 2moro gt skool
damn!!!
in d end i went off around 12+ hahaha
coz gt bus at 12+ de phew!!
den slacked at fitness corner
more toking n stuffs
actualli i wanted to tok to my besties abt my PROBS!!
but i jus dun haf d heart to tell dem coz dey look so HAPPY =)
haix oh well its ok

THNXS DANIEL DERRAN CHERLYN FIZAH MERILYN SEW TIN WINNER ANGELIN FOR CELEBRATING MY ADVANCED BDAE!!
RELLI APPRECIATE IT ALOTS!!!
I DIDNT WAN D NITE TO END THOUGH!!
BUT RELLI THNXS SO MUCH!!
LUV U GUYS SO MUCH!!!
I RELLI DO FEAR SUMTHIN!!
ILL TOK TO U GUYS ABT IT NEXT TIME I HOPE COZ I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!
HAIX =(

2dae in skool i ws super super quiet lar
hahahaha i didnt relli tok much
mayb coz i gt too many things in my mind
jus didnt haf d mood lar
haix cn sae so i emoing oso bah
muahahahahahahahahaha
i ws also fed up abt things oso lar mayb tts y i gt no mood oso bah
straight away go home =)

2moro gt OFA CA
haix im nt tt prepared lar
i scared sia scared i wont b able to do well de =(
relli hope evrything goes well for me
pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls
let me do well!!!

2007-08-30T22:19:00.000+08:00

yoz!!
its been almost a wk i haven update
muahahahahaha
well 1 of d reasons is tt i simply haf no mood ah

last wk sat went to der's chalet
celebrated hs bdae wif hm
it didnt relli go as planned
im worried for him
hope he's fine
Tcher's day miting my besties again =)

days goes by it jus gets worst
my mood and everything
i jus dunno wd to do
confidence level dropping and dropping
d thot of failing still lingers in my mind over and over again
i hate it so much lar
i noe myself relli well
if i cnt do sumthin i relli cnt
i jus dun gt it y ppl believe in me so much??
im nt destined for greatness lar ppl
i noe myself i relli do
but y??
y do ppl care so much abt me oso??
i love my frens so much
i care so much abt dem
d last thing i wanna c dem is to gt hurt or sad
im relli am worried abt my frens
to all my frens if u guys nid sumone to tok to or lend u a listenin ear
ill be dere for u guys =)

a few days ago tok to pak an
n yeah he's been a great help
luv him so much cn!!
hahahahahaha =)
tok to him abt probs i've been facing
coz i evrytime in skool look so sad emo V quiet
i kinda glad i tok to him =)
thnxs bro!!

jus nw we celebrated Hairul and Felicia bdae!!
wake up early in d morn jus to buy cake for dem
me n amin n pak an
as usual pak an was late hahahahaha
walk around to find d best cake n at last found it!!
went for BFD n oh boy i ws bored to death
den OFA came n we had to do a mock test
i ws damn frustrated cn!!
i cnt gt it right!!!! arggggggg
bt on d plus side
i gt A for my excel CA!!!
yayness!!! im so happy can
i didnt expect it sia
i tot i wld fail lar criously i tot i wld fail
den aft skool celebrated Hairul and Felicia bdae
went to d swimming pool area
we were suppose to strip and throw Hairul into d swimming pool
but he gt away he run so fast can!!
hahahahaa
in d end we had to settle for saboing him wif cake on his face
muahahahaha n we did it!!
yayness!!
HOPE U GUYS ENJOYED D SMALL CELEBRATION!!!

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY HAIRUL AND FELICIA!!!
STUDY HARD AH
AND MAKE IT TO POLY IN 2 YRS TIME!!!
GLAD TO NOE U GUYS!!
LUV YA LOTS!!
MUAXXS!!

2007-08-25T00:27:00.000+08:00

pak an was so stressed up lar!!! muahahahahaha
pity him sia!! =)

To pak an:
26 is d most important dae sia
hw cn u 4gt sia
i so sad sia
muahahahahaha
actuali its nthy lar
relli nthy trust me
its relli nthy u trust me rite??
now i sae its relli nthy lar i purposely wanna c ur reaction n c wht ur gg think wd izzt not
muahahaha
n oh boy u were so stressed up lar
sorie lar sorie kae??
jgn marah tau
takot nanti aku =(
hehehe
actualli d impt dae is tt i tot of bringing all of us to study 2gther lar
hehehehe
study afd lar
coz i worried sia for all of u
so we shld study 2gther cn teach u all
cn ask me jus abt anything lar
im here to help u guys =)
hehehe
sorie eh pak an
didnt mean to make u so stressed up ah
jgn marah =)
SORIE SORIE SORIE SORIE SORIE

2007-08-24T23:07:00.000+08:00

wow!! amazing!!
its been 4 daes i haven blog lar
i dun remember wd i did
hahahahaha sad but true

let me c wd i cn remember ah
on tues met up wif my fren to revise on maths but in d end we nvr relli did ah
we end up toking
hahahaha
i noe i noe i shld b studying but its jus tt i cnt do it!!!
i cnt even do a simple maths sum!!
wd's more o lvl standard!!
gosh im in dead meat!!
haix die die die

on wed
aft skool went out wif my pak an n ct
went out didnt noe whr to go
went to bugis 1st to find a plc to eat
in d end we went to harbourfront
to eat at NEW YORK PIZZA!!
woohoo 1st time eating!!!
hahaha sad but true =) hableahxha
n omg!! its so bloody damn nice can!!
so cheap sumore u noe!!
thnxs pak an for intro-ing me to dis
hahahaha n yeah yeah its halal!! i noe i noe
aft tt went to accompany ct to SGH to visit her aunt
c i told u evrything willl b fine!! dun worry aite
chatted wif ct brother hamzah at d cafe in SGH
hahahaha so crappy can!! he n pak an almost d same attitude(perangai) lar
muahahahaha its true!!!
den me n pak an took mrt home
chatted wif him abt my probs lar
n yeah he ws d 1st to noe abt d deeper of d probs
i dunno y i cn jus tok to him like tt ah
but its jus tt i trust him so much lar
i treat him like a brother =)

on thurs
didnt went to skool
coz i gt o lvl eng oral
gosh i ws so damn scared n nervous lar
butterflies in my stomach
i wasnt relli tt prepared lar
i was like d 13th or 14th candidate lar
so long haf to wait sia
die sia sumore so cold lar
i wanted to go toilet but had to tahan lar coz scared dey wont let me go lar
hahahaha wait kenna scolded more terrible rite
had d oral n yeah it ws overall ok lar
cldnt relli concentrate coz i wanted to go toilet badly urgent!! cant take it lar
bt i relli hope i did gd =)
aft tt i went home straight lar
ask my fren wht wanna go out for awhile eat or sumthin
but i didnt relli had d mood in d end
i told dem no nid mit me de
but dey insisted it
dey even came to my plc lar jus to c me
im so touched can!!
lol hahahaha
so decided to eat lo
we 3 ate nasi ayam penyet
its nice ah not bad not bad
hahahaha aft tt dey all went home lo
coz its late aldy n yeah pak an n ct wanna watch prison break!!
muahahahaha

on fri
lessons as usual
gt back my mock test
scored 54.5/60
ok lar it aint tt bad
makes stupid careless mistakes sia!!
damn!!!
aft skool went to eat at KFC
den i told pak an tt dis sun on 26th impt dae de
hahaha
he ws so stressed cn!! coz he couldnt crack wd izzt
pity him sia bleahx =>
den go prayers
watch movie aft tt RUSH HOUR 3
its do damn hilarious lar d show!!
hahahaha throughout d movie all i cn do is laugh lar
muahahahahaha
movie ended at aroyund 4+
i miting my fren around 630
so still gt time
pak an cldnt think whr to go so me n ct decided to go sun plaza park lo
i ws like emo all d wae lar
cnt belive sia!!!
i feel so bad lar
walked alone 1 round listenin to emo songs
gosh i ws relli damn depressed n troubled
i feel so bad for pak an n ct to b dere
dey had to put up wif my emo-ing
reli sorie guys =(
dey went home straight coz ct had to go home early

so i went walk around tm while waiting for my sis to cum
we went to eat at NEW YORK PIZZA!!
hahahaha
so nice lar
muahahahaha
i luv it lar!! den we tok n tok n tok all d wae
its fun!! relli miss d time spent together in sec skool life
haix
bgt pressie den wanted to mit up wif sew
but both of us were too tired aldy
sorie sew we'll mit up for d chalet ltr!! cant wait!!

DERRAN TURNING 18 SOON!!
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

2007-08-20T23:57:00.000+08:00

on sun ws my last day of werk

finally!! dun haf to werk le

werk relli taken my time n i jus hate werking aldy ah

i noe i noe i cnt believe i said that too

i luv werkin so much lar

but too many things have been happening

so stop werkin is kinda relieving phew ^^

d 1st pic of a pizza

ever since the cheezybite pizza was launch back

im the one who have been preparing it

so nice rite i make?? muahahahahaha

i jus luv my werk lar hableahzha =)

nw i relli gg mish werkin dere n doin the pizza

haix

Mon came

i relli dread mondays its d start of the week

n i awaes gt monday blues lar tts y i awaes wear blue polo tee to skool no matter wd

so i kinda emo forawhile lar awhile oni lar

hahahahaa

2dae nthy much happened jus same same thing lo

we all finished early n im miting my fren for studying for e maths

so decided to send my laopo home 1st lo

muahahahaha tok all d wae lar non-stop de

den send her until her home

her dog so cute can jus like d person =)

d pic above lo i take great pics sia bleahx

a pity i cnt touch dogs if nt i play wif it aldy sia

so cute can!! muahahahaha

Nw i feel so slpy le

gg slp soon!! *yawns*

2007-08-17T23:24:00.000+08:00

after 5 days being sick i finally able to cum back to skool on wed but still i wasnt fully recovered yet =( miss my classmates so much lar!!!
Bcoz of that my frens forced me to eat d chicken porridge(above)
I HATE PORRIDGE CAN!!
porridge is only for sick ppl
and apparently i am one lol
hahahaaha
but nvrmind
its for my own gd
ya i noe i noe i cnt eat anything wan
sick mah sians

on thurs was my class QC 4th month anniversarry!! its been a great 4 months together with them love dem loads lar!!

so i decided to bake muffins for dem =) woke up early in d morn jus to bake it

its so nice lar

hahahaha

luv it cn!!

all my classmates sae its damn nice

muahahaha sumore its oni my 1st attempt phew

luckily it turn out great =) yipee!!!

skool finished early so my grp MRC well almost d whole grp went to city hall to shop around

n yeah we went to suntec city and queued for DONUTS at donut factory(above)

D donuts so damn nice can!!

i ate strawberry white choco n double choco!! YuMmY!!!

im gg buy more next time!!

2dae skipped skool coz dere's oni 1 pathetic lesson n its oni 1 hr lar

so skip lo im such a BAD BOI!!! muahahahahahahaha

so decided to play badminton lo at tamp sportshall wif pak an ct my buddy andrew me =)

its so fun to play badminton ah wif frens!! relli mish d time i played in tournaments!!

played for 3 hrs den headed to pak an hm to bathe, ate dere as well

n u noe wd?? pak an cook for us leh u c d pic above

that is how he cook for us fried maggie

muahahahaha he use microwave oven to cook d noodles

so called shortcut ah tt ws d 1st time i actualli saw sum1 do that lar

well dere's awaes a 1st in evrything =) hahahahas

shortly aft tt we went to tamp to play arcade for awhile n head down to jalan kayu to haf dinner

met up wif wei rong n his fren louis

we all had fun tokin n making fun of louis de

hehehehehehe nice fellow

den all of us went home lo

(actualli i lazy blog lar)

anywae d whole entire dae ws ok ah apart frm me being emo most of d time wen im alone =/

sad relli i duno ah wds happening to me

i jus kip thinkin wd wld happen to me if i failed again?! wtf!!!

y do i kip thinkin abt tt lar

haix i dunno wd to do lar sianz

im scared oso lar

i wanted to tok to dem abt it but i think i betta not

i hate to let my frens worry abt me lar

so i jus kept quiet most of the time sorie though

all of us went home straight lo

LAZY TO BLOG LE

NO MOOD ALDY LAR!!

TOO MANY TO WORRY ABOUT!!

GONNA QUIT MY JOB SOON!!

THIS SUNDAY WILL BE MY LAST DAY!! =)

2007-08-13T11:45:00.000+08:00

UrGgG Im So BLOODY sick!!
its been 3 days aldy
i didnt c a doc coz i had to werk
sorie lar sorie kae ct n pak an
i noe i shld haf listened n go c doc =(
now i cant go skool 2dae
sad sia =(
now rotting at home dunno wd to do
BORED!!

dese few days i've been thinkin
can i actualli make it the second time?
y can't i jus believe in myself??
izzt that hard to do that?
haix well to me it is
im afraid tt if i reli did study hard but in d end i still failed
wont i acualli feel that im WORTHLESS and STUPID??
i would definitely feel im a FAILURE!!!!
but den again if i didnt study hard i definitely will fail isnt it??
I DUN WAN TO FAIL AGAIN!! I RELLI DUN WAN!!
IM SCARED TO FAIL!!!
i wouldnt noe wd to do if i failed!!!
haix

i noe i haf ite education as a backup plan
but i dun think ill b able to do well
for example my bfd ca i gt like 39/50
for sum ppl its considered amazing aldy
but not for me
i wld feel that i can do betta!!!!
n hell yeah i cn!!
argggg
but its just aiyah nvrmind!!

ct n pak an
i noe lar i shld jus tell u guys wd's bothering me
but i jus dun wan u 2 to worry abt me that's all
i dun wan my probs to b a burden to my frens
i'd rather suffer in silence by myself =)
its for my own gd ah
hope u guys undastand =)

chattin wif bestie daniel
heard he is sick too
hope he's ok
u betta go c doc aite
before it worsens
tk cr dude cya 2moro for studying!!
cant wait!!!

I RELLI WANNA DO WELL IN MY O LVL!!!
PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS
HAMDAN BELIVE IN URSELF AGAIN!!!
hAiX =(

u noe wd i miss my ite frens aldy =)

2007-08-09T21:44:00.000+08:00

ouCh!!
my body is still like aching lar!!
argggg
2moro gt badminton sumore
sian hw to play badminton sia
daMn!!!

at hm all day long
im so dead bored can!!
i didnt even sang 2dae lar
dunno y jus no mood
dese few days been kinda cranky
Im still trying to get over the same damn thing each day
but still no luck in doin it
its me its solely my prob and nobody's else
sumthin in me jus dun wan to settle dis prob of mine
but i duno wd izzt relli
mayb i noe but i jus dun wan to face d reality
haix im jus devastated

i think i like this gurl
bt afraid she doesnt like me =(
she's jus cute adorable lar
muahahahaha
hope i cn take all d courage within me to tell her i like her
hope everythin goes well

next tues miting bestie daniel for revision
yayness!!'
cant wait!!

2007-08-08T23:54:00.000+08:00

2dae NATIONAL DAY CELEBRATION is the most boring event ever in skool
for d 1st time in my life
d celebration ws dead BORING!!!!
i assure u everyone agrees to that
finished skool early
slack n eat in skool for awhile
den went to harbourfront
check out d price for d cable cars trip n decided not to
dere will b plenty of time to take d cable cars trip
hopefully we will take it 2gther b4 i go =)
so decided to watch movie the SIMPSONS movie
muahahahaha
its so stupid but funny sia
wth!! i laugh like hell lar
its definitely so much betta den harry potter and the order of d phoenix
tt was a big disappointment relli
aft d movie went to slack around vivo dunno go whr lo
pak an suppose to do an encore of the titanic but he nvr did
sad sia =(
ill still wait for it
pak an ct accompanied me until my fren came well not relli
i told dem to go off 1st coz both of dem look tired n yeah dey accompanied quite long aldy
thnxs guys!!
but so sorry that i emoed today
relli i am sorry
i ws jus reminded of things tt i didnt wan to remember
haix relli sad relli sad

waited for my sis(fizah)
at last able to mit up wif her lar mish her so much cn!!!
accompanied her to shop around vivo
hahaha
we went to alot of shops lar
none were to our likings
we tok n tok alot lar
muahahaha
mish all tt sia
den on our wae back
we bumped into dan cher dey all
muahahahaha
was surprised!!! but glad to c dem =)
mish dem so much cn!!
i miss d old days
haix
aft tt me n fiz went home straight
im so dead tired right now
jus feel like slping
luckily 2moro hols
yayness!! but gg mish my classmates lar
luv dem loads aldy!!!

HAPPY 42ND SINGAPORE!!

Im begining to miss her again
dun ask me who coz i wont sae
im nt sure wht i still haf feelings for her
but i jus wanna c her again
its been 5 long yrs
haix
i wonda wen will we ever mit again
but hopefully soon
MISH HER SO MUCH CAN!!

2007-08-07T22:11:00.000+08:00

1st day of gym
i didnt tot tt i wld actualli go to gym
i wanted to but jus nt now
but yest went to accompany my fren to gym
i dunno y i AGREED mayb its bcoz im jus too nice n bsides dere's no harm rite?!
muahahahaha
had to wake up early in d morn around 845 to go to tamp
b4 tt i tok on d fone wif pak an n ct
so u guys shld noe tt i dun haf enuf slp
anywae went to gym i ws late
sori amin
1st time gg into d gym
everything ws alien to me
it ws like im in anotha world or dimension
evrything ws new to me
i didnt noe wd to do 1st
did alot of exercises such as running on the treadmill lifting dumbells pull up sit ups
basically i did most of the exercises dere available =)
gosh it ws 1 damn tiring morn for me
but i kinda felt great tt i actualli for d 1st time in my life went to gym
muahahahaha
cnt blive it either until 2dae
amazing
nw i finally cn sae tt I'VE BEEN TO GYM!!
muahahahahaa
i wana go gym again
BUT not nw lar
im like aching all over lar
i nid to recover 1st cn
i cnt even stretch my hand my whole upper body is jus strained
argggg
n i gt badminton dis fri
gotta recover frm it quick
hahahahas

anywae aft tt went home n met up wif pak an ct
dey came over my hse to do afd hmwk
well we kinda did it
but all of us are jus stressed on bank recon cn
i cnt even solve thing stupid thing lar
bank recon suppose to b ez ppl!!
arrgggg
y cnt i jus undatsand it?!?!
shortly aft i think around 1 1/2 hr of afd
as pak an relli badly want to watch the show 300
we watched it
n omg its jus an amazing show cn!!
i like the killing of ppl
hw dey kill deir enemies
its jus cool n awesome lar
hw d head being cut off jus like tt legs cut off
blood gushing out like nobodies business
muahahahaha
but i gotta sae tt its kinda stupid relli
hw cn 300 ppl kill a gigantic elephant
its relli stupid
but otha den tt d show is pretty cool n exotic
i like it very much!!
me n pak an enjoyed it however ct ws basically sleeping
coz all of us slpt late yest
pity dem aft dis dey had to go to werk
boo hoo!!!
muahahahahaha
ok lar werk gt money mah
all of us are broke aldy lar
so dey went to werk n i basically jus chill at home

I STILL CANT BELIEVE I WENT TO GYM!!!!

2007-08-04T21:38:00.000+08:00

on wed
had my EXCEL CA
haix
so disappointed cn!!
arggggg
stupid IF!!! bcoz of tt i dun think i cn maintain my B average for OFA
STUPID SIA!!

on thurs
bfd ws cancelled
so i came to skool jus to go for d maths trail oni
wth!!
waste my time oni sia
so hard cn the maths
all of us had probs doin it lar
hahaha
its so funni cn!!
nisha n aziza
kept askin d guys dere to help dem
ask wht its correct ask wds d formula n all
hahahaha
it ws funni!!
but all of us had fun doin it!!

on fri ws d best dae ever!!
at nite celebrated pak an bdae!!
bt b4 tt i went to dis seminar
it ws my 1st time dere
n oh boy i enjoyed every moment of it!
thnxs guys for everything!!
it finished late n i ws late for pak an celebration
SORI PAK AN FOR BEING LATE
in d end i reach late wif d cake
ate d cake n saboed pak an
muahahahahaha
his face ws all covered wif cake
i took both of my hands wif cake n jus smoosh it on his face!!
muahahahahaha
fun sia!!
sori pak an =)
all of us were messy n dirty
suppose to b 10-12 ppl gg
but in d end oni 6 turn up including pak an
dere ws me,ct,herman,amin,elynn(amin's fren) and of course d BDAE BOI!!
LUV DEM LOADS FOR CUMIN!!
sori abt it pak an!!
d plan ws ruined

dere ws moments tt i emoed
alone in d night
i luv it so much!!
i love d night
i cried again
i awaes cried wen i emoed
coz i jus hate my life so much!!
I HATE BEING ALONE!!

so aft tt we all went cycling to one end to the otha
hahahaha
it ws fun lar
been quite a long time since i cycled
cycled wif my frens is even more fun cn!!
i ws tired n hungry so stop at mac to eat breakfast
we hang out at mac for awhile n played taiti
soon we went cycling again n watch d sunrise 2gther
had loads of fun!!
took pics but its nt wif me
ill post dem up next time
muahahahaha
we had to stop d fun coz amin gt dragonboat
so all of us eventualy headed home
send ct home 1st
den accompanied pak an to register his basic theory test for car liscence
muahahahaha
pak an u gt ur driver's liscence mus drive me around in singapore tau!!
muahahahahaha
den all us headed home coz we are jus too tired n slpy
hahahaha

i slpt around at 1 den woke up at 8:42pm
muahahahaha
so nice to slp sia!!

HAPPY 18TH BDAE PAK AN!!
HOPE YOU ENJOYED D DAE WIF US
ALTHOUGH ITS ONI A FEW OF US
SORI IF ITS NOT GREAT
HOPE YOU LOVE D VEST!!
TK CR!!
LUV YA BRO!!
STAY HAPPY FOREVA!!

NAS THANXS FOR EVERYTHING!!
LUV YA LOADS!!

2007-07-30T22:34:00.000+08:00

i miss my pri sch frens
hahaha
i noe its so sudden
but yeah tokin abt great memories in d past
i do mish dem so much cn
but im nt sure wht dey felt d same wae as i do?!?!
haix
dey changed so much lar
but wd to do ppl jus chg for d betta or for d worst
to d playin soccer playing badminton hang out wif dem
relli mish all tt
but now we NEVER even mit up lar!!!
haix nvrmind

2dae went to vivo
send pak an go werk 1st den we go walk walk around vivo
hahaha
it ws so fun lar
especially wen all of us were like hanging out at d hawker center
toking jokin n haf fun
i gt 3 sons namely d eldest son : Herman d middle child: Farhan d youngest son : Naziran
hahaha den we all like jokin arnd ah
i d daddy n mummy so short
all his sons so very d tall!! muahahaha
sumore same skool n class sia
hahahaha
daddy accompany d sons in sch lar
teach dem de
deir daddy so rich le
school for fun oni =)
muahahahahaha

haix
im jus getting sick and tired of all dis lar!!!
arggggg
hello im so stressed up here ppl!!!!
i gt probs too
haix
wadeva lar
im jus pissed off lar!!!

now i jus feel like getting hospitalised and being in a very long coma
jus dun care abt anything else
but i cnt
i nid to care for my frens and family
i cnt leave dem in d lurch
haix
too much responsibility
i jus dunno wd to do anymore
relli i dont
wadeva lar
i jus haf to c wd will happen in times to come
but for d meantime i jus haf to let it b

DARKNESS FALLS ON ME
EMPTINESS FILLS ME
LONELINESS CONTINUES TO HAUNT ME
BUT YET I CNT DO ANYTHING ABT IT
WORRIED ABT WD WILL HAPPEN IN FUTURE
HOPING EVERYTHING WILL STAY D SAME
BUT I KNOW THAT IT WILL NEVER EVER BE THAT WAY
COZ PEOPLE CHANGE N JUS FORGET
HAIX
RELLI SAD
(I HOPE THEY WONT FORGET ABOUT ME)

2007-07-29T23:30:00.001+08:00

oh gosh
so many things happened
haix
y are der so mahy things happening to the family??
i jus dunno wd to do anymore
i haf to worry abt my my older sis n now my younger sis
oh tts great
amazingly i jus duno wd to do anymore
not oni i haf to worri abt dem but i haf to worry abt myself as well
but d thing is so many things haf happened
n im nt sure whc to pay more attention?!?!
actualli i noe wd i will pay more attention to
definitely my 2 sis
dey nid me more den i need myself
i dunnno i jus put ppl's well-being 1st den myself
i will b last
i dun mind that im used to that
i luv my family n frens den myself
i dun think i luv myself ever!!
if i actualli did i wouldnt b in dis state right now

my sis were sayin tt now she haf to worri abt our young sis
more to worri abt
n if she were to noe or d whole family noe abt my prob
i dunno wht dey cn handle it
mayb i shld jus kip it a secret
its best tt limited ppl noe abt it
n yah i dun like to trouble my frens abt dis STUPID PROBLEM OF MINE!!
but sumtimes i jus cnt take it i nid to tok to sum1
n tts wen my frens cum in
my besties to b exact
i relli luv dem to bits cn!!
im relli afraid to lose dem ever!! will i??
i dunno i cnt c d future
its a pity though
but i cn jus hope for the best =)
i think i shld relli haf a gd tok wif my besties
i dunno wen but most probably dis cumin tues bah
im miting dem for a movie
mish dem so much cn!!
but d thing is i dun wan to burden dem wif my probs =(
i nid to tok to sum1 n its definitely dem =)
im relli thankful to god for letting me noe such awesome frens
if i were to lose dem(choi touch wood) i dun c d point of continuing wif my life
im js sayin lar i relli hope it wont cum to that =)

Werk been great so far
but im nt sure wht shld i resign?!?!
d managers are great well at least i think dey are
but its jus tt im too caught up wif my personal probs n otha ppl probs
im jus worried and SCARED =(
i jus hope i cn solve all my probs by d end of dis yr
i wan a refreshing start begining next yr
hopefully cn lar =)

my bro bdae cumin
we are tonin but nt sure wht he cn sia
i took off jus for him sia
muahahaha
jus hope he cn make it lo =)
well he betta b
hehehehehe

O level is cumin fast
n yeah my ite exams as well
gosh a lot of pressure n stress cumin my wae
i relli dunno wd to do
i jus wan to gt it over n done wif actualli
but i still wanna do well in both lar
wouldnt wan to disappoint my family anymore
haix
dey mus haf hate me so much for failing O lvl
im relli sorry
ill try my best dis time
i hope i wont disappoint u guys AGAIN

PROBS KEPT BREWING
BUT I C NO SOLUTION
WILL DERE EVER B 1?!?!
WILL I EVER BE HAPPY AGAIN?!?!

2007-07-26T23:18:00.000+08:00

on wed
went to DIAMOND RECOGNITION MEETING
it ws simply amazing and inspiring event i mus sae
i relli cnt wait to join this business n build it =)
i relli wan to quote wd dey sae dis
'A CLEVER MAN LEARNS FROM HIS OWN MISTAKES
BUT A WISE MAN LEARNS FROM OTHER PEOPLE'S MISTAKES'

its VERY inspiring lar
im relli glad that i attented the event =)
thnxs NASRI n ZAID for the tickets!!
n yeah tt ws d 1st time i wore so smart cn outside
hahahaha
i look so SMART!!
hahaha luv it so much
i shld buy more smart clothes =)

GO DIAMOND!!!
JAPAN here i come!!!
muahahahahaha

on thurs went out to celebrate my mum bdae
HAPPY 46TH BDAE!!
went to eat at pizza hut
amazing!!
it wasnt as bz as last time
bt no worries
pizza hut still has loyal customers =)
aft tt jus went around tamp to shop
den went home coz 2moro gt skool n werk
haix
nvrmind
once in awhile =)

2007-07-24T20:44:00.000+08:00

TODAY WAS THE MOST BORING DAY I HAD
BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED
HAIX

today skool ws boring as usual
surely study n study lar
do more n more assignments
BORING
i ws aldy bored n aft skool made it more BORING CAN!!
i went out to go buy present for my mum
didnt noe whr to go so jus go bugis lo
hahahaha
all d wae all so quiet lar
i didnt like it sia
i ws like scorned in btwn
didnt noe wd to do
tried to make conversations but all i gt ws dunno or 1 word ans sumtimes
haix
fed up sia
i almost lost my patience
nowadays my patience level jus dropped
i hardly cn tolerate as well as last time
i dunno wds happenin to me lar
so basically had a VERY BORING DAY AT BUGIS FOR THE 1ST TIME!!!
relli hope it wont happen again =(

im relli scared of sumthin but i wont sae(im afraid of o lvl but dis is different)
its nt relli impt well at least i think its not
mayb im jus thnkin too much??
i dunno
haix
omg i gt so many things to worry abt lar!!
argggg
HATE MYSELF SO MUCH CAN!!
wen will my nightmare end??
i relli haf to gt thru dis hurdle of mine
saded saded saded saded saded saded

2007-07-23T20:05:00.000+08:00

yest went to east coast park
in d morn lar
ws d 1st family to set up tent n to reach dere 1st
so many things to carry lar
n we dont even haf any vehicle
damn
i jus dun gt it y mus we bring so many things lar
haix
anywae it ws pretty boring lar
nthy to do no1 to tok too
waste my bloody time
so played badminton aft 1 yrs plus haven play lar
i lost my touch
omg lar!!!
i sux aldy lar
gotta haf to start practising le

2dae basically my grp MRC haf to do our final roleplay
n yeah all of us are definitely scared lar
browse tru d script n do rehearsal n d last min
hahaha
stressful lar
haf to rmb so many things
but in d end
we pull it off!!!
yayness for MRC!!
d best yet again!!
muahahahahahaha
but we didnt relli do tt well is our props
i wanted to do more on d props
but nvrmind
its all done
i jus hope all of us scored amazingly great!! =)
NO MORE TORTURE ALDY
dun nid to memorise any scripts EVER!!
muahahahahaha

aft tt had photo takin session
hahaha
shall post d pics next time if i not lazy
muahahahaha
ciao for now ppl

n yeah HERman pls pls go c doctor 2moro aite
betta hor
u promised
tk cr bro